Hiding Amongst The Flames
by silversurf4
Summary: Exploration of our favorite partner's partnering and the why behind it... I own nada, zip, zero - Just love Life and enjoy imagining what we don't see
1. Chapter 1 Hiding Among Flames

**Crews POV**

**Ride your horse along the edge of a sword - hide yourself in the middle of flames.... --Zen saying**

Charlie was reading Zen and thinking anything but…

He was thinking about the horse he bought Jen on what would have been – should have been – their fifteenth wedding anniversary – if were they still married.

And he was thinking about how very different her reaction to the horse was - than he had hoped.

When they were young, before he hid himself in the middle of flames, Jen had wanted the horse - and she had wanted him. She wanted those things with the exuberance of an innocent, young woman – almost still a girl. Now despite her current (and former) husband's wealth and the trappings of a good life, Jen was a jaded as he – as damaged from his experience as Charlie - even though she didn't go to prison.

Losing Charlie, giving up on him, was like losing her faith and her innocence and it was something she might never regain. Sure her life continued, but not the same way - with the same belief or the same innocence. Jen's view of the world, life and her part in it - became fractured, discolored, dingy and bent. In ways, it made her as damaged as him, but Jen hid her damage behind the veneer of social acceptability. She had all the trappings of a happy life, a rich husband, two perfect kids, a nice home and it was hollow and empty, not real at all - in some ways.

It was a perverted version of the fairytale she believed in before - before Charlie went to prison - before she put those divorce papers in the mail - before she deserted the first and perhaps only man she ever truly loved.

At first he wanted to hate Jen. She deserted him when he needed her. She didn't believe in him when he needed her most. He should hate her – but Charlie found that he couldn't.

He found that hating Jen took away all that he clung to that was good and decent and worth living for. And then for awhile when he got out, he tried so hard to go back.

Back to Jen, back to their real - but fragile, love affair - back to what they used to be – when they used to be "them". But you can't go back – you can only go forward.

Now there was no "them" - only Charlie and Jen - but not together - not anymore. There is no past, no future, only now.

But his now did not include Jen – nor the horse and still he hid in the flames.

Holding onto his past was like unto holding a fist full of water – impossible and you could watch yourself fail at it.

"**Knowledge is learning something new everyday. Wisdom is letting go of something everyday." ---Zen saying**

Charlie examined his now and what (or more precisely) - who - was in it. An endless string of beautiful women traipsed in and out of the mansion. Ted his good friend and confidant frequently pointed the benefits of this lifestyle, but Charlie was at heart, and that had never changed - a one woman man. Jen was not his anymore, Connie wasn't either – she was married and he simply wouldn't cross that line. If he did, she would be neither his nor her husband's - his brain simply didn't work that way. When he tried to go back with Jen, it was because he still believed she was his. And Charlie for all the evil that had befallen him - was at his simple, most basic, a man who believed that one man and one woman could be the whole world to each other.

The only other woman in his life was Dani Reese and she was … complex, angry, beautiful, exotic, intoxicating and underneath he suspected very frightened, but put on a tough act and put up one helluva good fight. Charlie saw the act for what it was, a complicated defense mechanism, a highly evolved way of holding the world at bay. He recognized it because he employed one too – Charlie's was cool, blue Zen and Dani's red hot anger. Maybe together they could arrive at a place where neither of their worlds were artificially colored in an unnatural hue.

Charlie quite unexpectedly found he wanted to earn her trust, to get under that layer of armor, to be close to Dani Reese in a way that frightened him. This young woman was forbidden fruit to him, Jack Reese's daughter, but not her father – not at all. She was so very different and he found that it was Reese he wanted to connect with. She was his now and maybe she was his series of connected "nows", the future he didn't believe in, his forever - even if not happily ever after.

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**Reese POV**

"**No matter how fast a man is - he can not outrun his shadow." -- East African saying**

Dani tried to remember the last time she was truly happy; when she last had faith - in the goodness of people and held a belief that her life was full of promise.

She wondered about people who harkened back to the halcyon days of childhood. Childhood no special promise or goodness for her; Dani was the only daughter of a misogynistic father, one for whom she could never be good enough, because she wasn't the son he wanted and she spent the better portion of her life trying to measure up to an unattainable standard.

_Let's face it _she thought. _Kids have all the same trials and tribulations adults do. You have a problem with a ham fisted boss who seems incapable of not putting his paws on you in the workplace and a ten year old gets bullied on the playground by some punk whose soul attribute is size. It really didn't change; bullies were every where and every when. _

Christ, when did she get so freakin' introspective?_ Crews…this was his fault. She was completely content in hating the world at large – anger was a coping mechanism – until Crews showed up with his god damned Zen. _

Dani Reese was a pedigreed LAPD police officer. The daughter of cop royalty, Jack Reese, Captain of the Department SWAT Team and it got her what? Hateful looks, sneers and locker room talk. She guessed she was lucky; most women in the department were rumored to have gained rank because they'd slept their way to the top. Most of the men in the department were incapable of admitting a woman could hold their own with male officers or (god forbid) be better cops than they were. She knew she was a good cop, it was in her blood. She grew up in police gyms, around police men and their unique blend of sarcasm and cynicism coupled with a need to help those less fortunate permeated her soul.

The rumors about her were mild by comparison…until she'd gone undercover. The draw of the drugs to help her forget was powerful and once she found out they could take away the pain for awhile, well…that was just too good to pass up. But coming back after, well...that had been its own special season in hell.

When she got sober enough to realize what she'd lost, she had even more reason to escape, but no where to escape to and no way to get there.

So anger became her tool, to keep the world at large at an arm's length. Until Charlie Crews came right up and literally wrapped his arms around her.

She remembered him doing it, the very first day they met; suddenly being there – inside her space, towering over her and draping his long, lean body around hers. The faint scent of Crews expensive cologne, the feel of his shirt against her cheek and the warmth of his body too close to her; she pushed him away before she fell into a much needed protective circle and got lost in the strength and warmth of his embrace.

Crews reached out to her, when everyone else let her push them away. What the hell was that? Why would he do that? He was so hopeful, so positive, despite all he'd been through. Why try to connect with her– the one person who was so very rigidly determined not to connect to him?

Crews was impossible to reason with and most days to understand. She found however, he was also simply impossible to resist and his mood was infectious. And allthough she never let the influence he had on her, cross her carefully schooled features; his mood buoyed hers, despite her studied indifference and carefully rehearsed scowl. Crews, for his part, simply refused to acknowledge her anger, to buy into it and after awhile she stopped feigning "it" with him.

"**You can not be other than what you are – but what you are – be that completely". **

_Damn him…_ she could still hear those stupid Zen sayings even when he wasn't there.

Those god damned Zen tapes of Crews; the ones he snuck into the car when she was distracted. She even tried to trading their unmarked for one without a tape deck just to spite him, but knowing Crews - he'd have found a way to play them anyway, perhaps even recite them to her, while she gritted her teeth and tried to resist the impulse to strangle him.

Crews awakened in her a desire to understand – many things: what motivated her, what motivated him and other more nebulous matters. She found that primarily by contrasting what happened to him with what happened to her, she still could not understand...grasp or appreciate how he could be so….so god damned Crews.

Both experienced something that rocked them to their foundations, something that eroded not only their faith in others but also – more elementally - their faith in themselves. She had begun to realize she could not restore her faith in others - that only her faith in herself could be restored – and the power to do that rested entirely within Dani. Crews taught her this and his ability and desire to trust her, made her begin to trust herself.

**Life is like an hourglass – consciousness is the sand."**

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"Reese" he began exactly ninety seconds into their trip. She was quite frankly amazed he'd lasted that long without launching into some probing but inane non-sequitur, which only hours after their conversation would make any sense to her at all. But then Crews said nothing and Reese peered over her sunglasses to inquire with her eyebrows. Their non-verbal conversation had by now developed to the point where actual speech became redundant at times.

His eyes smiled back at her, blue like a haze less autumn sky. When his eyes were this color, trouble was brewing, because it meant Crews was in an exceptionally ebullient mood. She sighed knowing he was about to do something that would try her patience and tried very hard to look stern. When he grinned, she couldn't contain a small smile and a questioning "what?" in response.

"Do you ever think about us?" he asked suddenly.

Thrown into a spin by the implication of his question, she stammered another "what?" and stared pointedly at him, her face locked in a quizzical – did he really just say that? -expression.

As it dawned on Charlie, what he'd said and what it implied, he tried to place it in context and back away from the personal implication it held. "Oh, not like us in a "you and me" kind of way….but you and me - in a how did you and me end up together – and when I say together – I don't mean "together" together…. just here at the same time….partnered together…. Do you think that …."us" …."we" were incidental, accidental or intentional… you know placed….together? "

Then he continued his tone lower almost as an aside "Or maybe we were just meant to be together? Not that "we" are "together" together, but here we are now, here, together…." Crews sputtered to a stop after exhausting his internal dialogue, ending looking as if he'd just confused himself and talked himself in a circle, ending where began - with the very personal implication.


	2. Chapter 2 Paths

**A path cannot be taught, it must be taken….**

Since the very first day when they met - Charlie had been trying to have the same "talk" with Dani.

Why her? Why him?

Why put them together?

Was it by design?

But Dani didn't want to have the talk because she knew the answer.

Lieutenant Davis spelled it out for Dani Reese that very first, very trying day with newly minted Detective Charlie Crews. "So he gets jammed up? I get jammed up?" she remembered asking. It was crystal clear to Dani that she was supposed to find something to use against Crews, so "they" could run him out of the Department (minimum) and quite possibly back to jail (best case scenario).

She should never have been in this position. She was like a snitch working off a misdemeanor drug beef. It was something Dani was ashamed of and that shame made her refuse to have "that talk" with Charlie Crews. _And he thought she was being punished by drawing him as a partner? The guy had no clue_ she thought.

"_I was wondering who it would be, who they would send, but I thought I was being paranoid. 'member how paranoid I used to get LT?"_ she'd told Davis, when they first tried to get her to flip on him. Dani had Crews by the proverbial "short hairs" after he tipped John Gibney's father to flush his baggie of "high grade chronic".

As disturbing as it was on one level, it still kind of amazed her that Crews could smell that dope. She was highly attuned to the feel, smell, taste, everything to do with drugs, but then seeing grey walls and smelling nothing exotic for twelve years had to do things to your senses, especially your nose.

What Dani didn't realize was her path back to faith began that day, when she walked away from Karen Davis on that street. Karen was a friend of the family, had been for years, rode three years in a radio car with Dani's dad. But Dani chose Crews. She wasn't even sure why, but she picked the dark horse - because something told her Charlie Crews was not one of the "bad guys". It was the first day she backed her partner, but not the last.

Dani Reese was taught better. There was a Code. Cops didn't leave their "brothers in blue" hanging. You backed your partner's play, you didn't leave them hanging… you damn sure didn't let them go to jail for a crime he didn't commit.

That Crews could stand in the same room, breathe the same air was Bobby Stark, and keep that plastic smile on his face - rankled her. How could a man who had been through what Crews endured, not be bitter? How could he not want some payback?

Dani sometimes layed awake at night fantasizing about payback - people who deserved it and how she would dispense it. It was not at all Zen. She wondered if Charlie's Zen ever deserted him and desire crept back in – the dark desire for revenge.

He broke the law that first day, but he did it for a good - maybe the "right" reason.

Since that day "they" broke the law together - more than once... actually quite a few times…. There was the evidence that got "lost" so Bustamonte's son could continue on a cancer med that worked for him, even if it wasn't a cash cow for that lab with the freaky owner. Then there was Crews quietly coaching Zack Sutter through Mitchell Clark "falling over that railing" at the mall instead of pushing him to protect Karen. Dani knew Zack killed Mitchell Clark, before the bastard could molest his sister and that guy got what he had coming.

Some people would say that Crews corrupted her, drug her down a questionable path with him, but there was no decision he made that she thought was really, truly wrong. Sure the rules were there for a reason, but then rules were sometimes meant to be bent, even broken for the greater good – to save a sick child, to prevent a boy protecting his sister from a pedophile from going to jail. They were "good" decisions and ones neither of them regretted or lost any sleep over.

"**Following rules and protecting regulations is like binding oneself without rope."**

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**Don't seek. Don't search. Don't ask. Don't knock. Don't demand.**

**If you relax – it comes. If you relax, it is there.**

Charlie had to let it happen, he had to relax and let her come to him. He knew this, but it didn't stop him from becoming impatient about it. He knew the path she'd chosen - the first time she lied for him. It would be the first time, but not the last.

It was brilliant moment, ringing clear like a single bell - in his mind, the day Dani told Davis he didn't pull his knife on Manny Umaga. It was so clear that it shocked him for a moment. It was a critical juncture for them as partners. It was when they gelled and became a team, but Charlie just couldn't let her do that, not for him.

He didn't want to lead Dani down a dark path. Charlie instinctively knew Dani needed to walk in the sunshine and let the white, hot rays of the sun burn away her guilt and her shame. Until he could witness her rise from the ashes, renewed; he had to just relax and let it come.

Until then he could focus on the men who conspired to put him in prison for a crime he did not commit. Charlie stood looking at his wall, as he often did. In front of him, arrayed on the rust colored wall were the photographs of three men; Jack Reese, Mickey Raybourne and Jimmy Dunn and three empty boxes, numbered four, five and six.

"_Not for nothing Jack, there were six, there are five, it could just as easily be four"_ – the words from his clandestine wiretap echoed in his head. He'd listened to it hundreds of times, the voice of the phantom speaker tickling his brain, just out of reach, like that word you reached for but couldn't quite find. He knew it, but couldn't place it. Sighing, Charlie crossed his arms and stood very still, waiting for inspiration to strike him like a lightning bolt, but so far not even a storm cloud was on his horizon.

He looked at the remaining folder from the archived records he'd dug up on the men on the board, going all the way back to their academy days. Charlie pulled a grainy black and white 8x10 from the folder. It was a long shot. A copy of Jack Reese's LAPD academy class photo, from the Department Archive; forty-five young men stood in formation, row by row, in LAPD blue with patrol caps, brand new officers - honest, forthright and full of promise. At least that was the idea.

In those days there weren't many women on the Department, but even if there had been you could not have picked them out from the men in the photo, with their hair tied up under their caps. The only saving grace was the back of the photo, which when Crews flipped it over read each cadets name from left to right, front row to back.

He scanned the names looking for the men he currently knew Raybourne, Reese and Dunn, idly picking up an orange grease pencil to circle the men when found them – one by one. He twirled the pencil, weaving it back and forth between his fingers and he scanned. Reese, Jack – got it, second row, third from the left. Charlie reversed the photo, located Jack Reese and drew a careful circle of orange around his head and shoulders. He repeated the task with Raybourne – who slightly taller was in the third row, fifth from the left, almost in the middle of the row.

His heartbeat quicken, pulse racing his recalled Raybourne telling him, "I've watched you since the academy". Did this all start there at the academy? Dunn… was he there too? But Charli stopped as his eyes snagged on another name – one he hadn't even imagined finding… one far more disturbing. He dropped the pencil and it made a soft thud on the carpet in his closet. The silence roared in Charlie's ears. The voice on the tape finally striking home with the bit of a snake sinking it's fangs in delivering poisonous venom.

Third row, last man in the row (far right). He flipped the photo over walking into the bathroom - into stronger light and squinted at the tiny man in the photo on the far right. Could it actually be him? He reversed the picture again staring at the name typed on a carefully cut out label. The voice from the tape echoed in his head. The room began to list slightly as he read it again, not certain, but now sure - it read – Crews, Charles….his father.


	3. Chapter 3 Knocking on Heaven's Door

Dani was dreaming about Charlie Crews, which despite the fact it was her subconscious and she could not control it – annoyed her to no end.

Crews was sitting on the end of a dock staring into a clouded setting sun. The sky was on fire with reds, oranges, pinks and yellows, rays shot into the stratosphere and his back was to her, but she could clearly hear him speaking…. "do you ever think about us?" The question hung there as the sun set and sky became dark.

Stars appeared and still Crews sat on the dock, his feet dangling. She looked down and realized he was barefoot in his suit and she was barefoot too. She sat beside him and looked down. They were holding hands. He turned to say something and she heard him speak her name…"Reese"….

Dani blinked awake swearing that she actually heard Crews, which she knew was impossible because it was 0327 AM and she was dreaming. She stared at her cell phone which was conspicuously silent on her bedside nightstand and pulled the pillow over her head with a mumbled curse…Jesus, Mary and Joseph… Crews get out of my head.

Then she heard the knocking…. followed by her name again…"Reese". She didn't have to wonder – she knew who it was – it was Crews, of course, it was Crews. Who else did she know that would come to her house at 3AM?

Beyond angry she threw off the covers and staggered through her darkened house dodging furniture to open the door. She looked out to the six foot tall range where Crews should be - to find empty air. But lower, there on her darkened stoop sat Charlie Crews, exhausted, disheveled and unshaven. He was knocking at the bottom of the door pretty much because it was his only option. He couldn't stand up. Crews was stinking drunk.

Reese examined him before he realized she was there. He was wearing grey jeans, a white t-shirt, a thin grey hoodie and expensive leather loafers with no socks. He had not shaven since the morning and a haze of reddish stubble covered his face. His eyes, now the disturbing pewter grey of storm cloud, wore an alcohol induced haze, one Dani was far too familiar with. Beyond the oaky, rich smell of an expensive and probably very smooth and smoky scotch, she could smell a just a hint of Crews aftershave, his sweat and - was that breath mints?

Reese had to smile. Why did every drunk think breathe mints equaled sobriety?

It just wasted the taste of the perfectly good scotch burning its way down your throat. _It had to be scotch didn't it _she thought – _my Achilles heel. _

_Just like Crews, bad for you, but it felt so good, so right…Where'd that come from_?

Reaching back to knock again because he'd failed to notice she opened the door, Crews made contact with her leg, which he wrapped his warm hand around for a fleeting second. She sighed as Crews' gaze travelled up the length of her leg to her face. His eyes were red - from crying she guessed - and he spoke her name again this time as a question "Reese?"

"Yes, Crews…this is my house. Who did you expect to find here?" she said quietly, trying to sound annoyed, but the concern crept into her voice. _Just figure this out Reese and go back to sleep and for god's sake don't dream about Crews…._ "What are you doing here Crews?"

"It's late" he looked down at his empty wrist, trying to focus on a watch that wasn't there. "I should go" he said using the door frame to rise to his feet. But it finally dawned on him, how drunk he was… "I think you're going to have to call me a cab". By some freakish miracle, his expensive, sleek, Italian sports car was sitting benignly on the curb outside, looking pretty fairly parked and not in gear.

"Hold on there…" she reached out to him "where do you think you are going?" she held him with a stare and an arched brow. He gulped like a child caught with his hand in the cookie jar. He looked so utterly pathetic, she opened the door motioning for him to come in. "You'd better come in Charlie" she said effectively, but unconsciously crossing from professional to personal as he crossed the threshold to her home.

He sat on her couch bathed in the warm yellow glow of a 60 watt light bulb from a lamp on the end table, eerily silent - with his hands in his lap, while she made coffee in her kitchen in the dark.

When she flicked on the overhead fluorescents in the kitchen, Dani heard the intake of air as the light assailed his eyes and she quickly flicked it off again plunging them back into the twilight shades of the lamp. It wasn't like she hadn't made coffee for herself in total darkness as a hangover loomed.

As the hot liquid awareness percolated, filling the room with the bubbling sound and smell of coffee, Charlie sighed again. He looked so fragile, so broken, so scared…it was very unusual for Crews. Dani wasn't at all sure where to begin or how, so she simply sat down next to him and took one of his hands in hers.

Charlie smiled very slightly at her gesture "Reese?" he questioned softly "are you touching me?" and laughed to himself at the internal joke between just the two of them.

She turned their hands over looking at his pale, much larger longer hand as it enveloped her small tanned one. She wrapped her four fingers around his thumb as he explored the delicate skin of her wrist. He marveled at the strength and softness in her tiny hands and she was surprised at the nimbleness of his touch despite his inebriation. His hands were warm and strong. Charlie's exploration was gentle and pleasant and not what either of them should get lost in, but for several long moments that is precisely what they did.

Finally, she broke her gaze away from their conjoined hands as the coffee maker sputtered noisily to a stop. She moved to rise, but his free hand stopped her, with a gentle pressure on her knee. "Charlie" she warned as her temperature rose several degrees. His hand travelled several inches up her thigh in a gentle caress. Warning bells were going off in her head as Crews bent to kiss her.

Her protest died on her lips as Crews breathed her name across them before he lightly kissed her the sweet taste of breath mints and scotch on his tongue as he tempted her to open to him.

The kiss twisted as he did to capture her full face in both hands and drink in her breath. Crews was insatiable, his hungriness tempered with just a tiny bit of restraint. She could feel him holding back and something inside her wanted Crews to let go - to lose control, to show her himself without the calm control of Zen and a plastic smile.

"Let me help you Charlie" she pleaded with him. He stopped for a moment and just looked at her. But when Dani put her hands on his thighs and lifted herself to straddle his lap, his restraint vanished. He knew only need. Charlie's hands raked up her back and wrapped her tightly in his embrace, growling a strained need into the hollow of her throat. "Dani" he whispered in an impossibly low tone that sounded to her like home.

Dani Reese thought of Charlie Crews a lot of ways… he could be as annoying as a ten year old boy kicking the back of your seat on a plane; the constantly smiling and full of interesting anecdotes about Zen and fruit partner she worked with daily; the dark, fury filled avenging angel she'd seen only glimpses of; but this man was prepared to do things to her she usually only found in her weekend hollow sexual conquests. This man could satisfy her wildness without ever leaving the comfort of her own home. It was as alluring as a oasis to a wanderer in the desert, better than scotch….better than the drugs.

His hands were everywhere and nowhere. His warm palms trailed lightly down the front of her thighs before reversing and travelling up the back side of her thighs to grab her tightly by her ass and pull her against his impressive erection. He groaned again as she ground herself against him.

The stubble on his face grazed the sensitive skin of her neck and shoulders as he dragged the strap of her tank top from her shoulder and exposed the swell of her breast. "So beautiful…." He breathed subconsciously. "Charlie…" she began, but whatever she was going to say evaporated as his hot mouth closed over her breast. Her back arched involuntarily and she ground into him again - driving him madder still.

In a very short, fast move, Dani found herself pinned to her couch, with the shadowed face of Charlie Crews hovering over her "you're driving me crazy here" he said breathlessly, suddenly far less drunk than before.

"Tell me what we're doing here Reese" he took them out of their personal bubble deliberately distancing himself.

"Why did you come here Crews?" She countered eyes glittering, close to angry. "You think you can just show up here in the middle of the night and what…Just what the hell do you want, Crews?' she hissed biting back tears.

"I came here….I wanted to…. I just…." He trailed off.

"Answer the question Crews" she demanded angrily.

And there it was – the moment – clarity seeking an absolute truth. The moment they were both in together, no walls, no disguises, no hiding anymore, the talk, but not talk. Us, we, them, partners, linked but separate, alone together and Charlie found he couldn't wait for her any longer. The color in his eyes brightened as it became clear to him; when his world got darkest and he had no where to go, he came here, to what was real to him, to what he wanted, to Reese.

"I want….you." he decided.

"Then let's get off this couch and go to bed where have some room" she smiled at him as if Charlie showing up drunk at her place at three in the morning was the most natural thing in the world.

He stood and held her hand as she led him first to the kitchen to switch off the coffee and then into her darkened bedroom. He watched her slight build as she led him, taking in the sway of her hips, the way her tank top crept up her hips to her narrow waist and the unruliness of the hair along her neckline.

He stopped in the doorway of her bedroom. "Dani, I'm not here just tonight..." he let statement of fact – and the unspoken question it implied - hang in the air between them.

She turned halfway and then walked to stand under his chin. He looked down and got lost in the depths of her eyes. "I know" she answered him with a finality that left no question they were together. He released a breath and she added "but tomorrow you're going to tell me why you had to get drunk to come here".

"You are my superior officer and I'm not supposed to keep anything from you" he teased. 'I remember that talk" he echoed back to the day she showed up at his place drunk.

"And the next time you drink expensive scotch, it better be with me" she said again tasting his lips. This time when Charlie reached for her the white hot spark of need was replaced by a slow, patient and warm fire. She could feel the distance between them evaporate until neither of them could tolerate the thin barrier of clothing between them.

"Take these off" she demanded unbuttoning his jeans.


	4. Chapter 4 Sunstreaked Nightmares

Sunlight streamed in through the window bathing them both in golden air. Dust motes danced in the beams of sunshine burning away the night's darker moments. Charlie woke slowly, taking in the room and understanding where he was.

Reese…he thought. This was Reese's house…and Reese was here. Her warm body draped across his chest with her dark hair providing black and white picture contrast on his pale skin. They were like photo negatives, he thought. Dark and light, rock and roll and Zen, coffee and fruit, him comfortable only in the sunshine and her most happy in the darkness of the night; they were like balance, yin and yang.

The events of the night before were fuzzy to him. Not the way he wanted to spend his first night in bed with Dani Reese. He delicately pulled her hair back, to expose her face. She was his choice. She was the future he didn't believe in. You can choose who you trust, but not who you love. Charlie had been denying he loved her for so long he could no longer place the exact moment when he first started.

She was the glue that held him together. He, who was a thousand fractured pieces held together with Zen and the sticky syrup of fruit; he, who was most like a broken mirror, no longer capable of reflecting back a vision of himself that was true, but Dani saw him. She accepted him, albeit begrudgingly at times, she recognized in him a kindred soul and she chose to trust him.

And he was about to blow all that to find out something that happened in his past. The past didn't exist, it was there only in memory, yet the draw of knowing the unknowable was still there. Was it worth risking this fragile hard won moment? There was after all - only the moment – now. But he also knew here was no way she would let him not tell her – that part he remembered well. "_Tomorrow you're going to tell me why you had to get drunk to come here." _she told him and Charlie knew she meant every word of it.

But Charlie remembered he didn't get drunk to come there. He got drunk first and then when he didn't know what to do or where to go, his heart steered him here - to her. He couldn't remember how he got here, when he made the choice to go – or if there even was a choice. He just remembered an inescapable need to find her - to be in her presence. Even if she was angry, even if she pouted, which secretly he kind of liked – then she would still be there, with him and he would not be alone with his thoughts or his fears. What he feared most was that what he felt for here was due to events put in motion beyond either of their control. Events years in the past, still paying dirty dividends today.

And Charlie did remember why he got drunk – it was because he couldn't wrap his head around the fact that his father, her father, Mickey Raybourne and Jimmy Dunn were all in the same academy class. Then flash forward twenty-five years and Jack Reese's daughter and Charles Crews' son were…what? Partners? Lovers? From his state of dress, he figured not yet… but close…. Perhaps they had not yet crossed the physical line of lovers, but Charlie knew his heart was lost to her as sure as if he'd given it to her in a gift box. He could no longer deny that he wanted, desired, needed to be near Dani Reese.

She smiled against his chest and butterflies danced across the surface of his stomach and his heart beat faster. What the hell was he thinking? This just made things worse, didn't it? He knew in his head it did. But she made him feel better just being there. It wasn't just the way she made his pulse quicken – it was the way she balanced him.

"They" could put them together (if in fact that was what "they" did), set them up as partners, but there was no way they could possibly know - how she would make him feel. Was there? he turned the idea over in his head as the closed his eyes against the increasing brightness of the new day.

Then suddenly, Charlie was in the past, he knew it wasn't real, but he couldn't keep from being sucked into it like a massive whirlpool. It was crushing him, he couldn't breath and he couldn't escape. He knew he was dreaming, but he was also helpless.

Crescent City, Pelican Bay Federal Maximum Security Prison - it was two years in. He was in the infirmary again. What's a couple more broken bones among friends right? He quipped to the prison doctor who was stitching him up (again), he'd lost count of how many times or how many stitches.

He vaguely remembered having a favorite pair of jeans as a boy, which were ripped and torn many times, but he refused to throw out and his mother dutifully pieced back together so he could keep them. He thought how his skin now resembled those jeans – at least the portions of his torso where many attempts to shank him had left a pattern of lacerations and scars over the brief 740 days he'd been a guest at Pelican Bay.

He remembered the crisp, white, antiseptic sheets. The only place in prison that the sheets were ever really clean was the infirmary. He remembered the grey green walls thick with layers of latex enamel paint, so the blood and body fluids cleaned up easier. Everything in prison was utilitarian. Nothing was superfluous, no beauty, no elegance, no charm, no taste. Charlie remembered the pained expression on the doctor's face every time the man set a broken bone or stitched him up. Charlie no longer needed anesthesia, he was numb to the pain or so he thought… until the day the letter arrived.

There was a plain manila envelope with the name of a lawyer and law firm printed in the upper left hand corner looking very officious on his bunk when Charlie returned from the infirmary. It was opened, of course, first by the guards, looking for contraband; then again by his sneaky bunkmate, Tony, who was looking for anything of value. The sheepish look on Tony's face should have told him it was bad news, but Crews was unprepared for what came next.

The envelope contained a thick sheaf of papers, divorce papers, from Jen - divorcing him. Charlie felt the air leave his lungs with the force of a seven foot tall, 300lb man punching him the gut. The edges of his vision closed in like a tunnel, he felt physical pain and it literally dropped him to his knees. Tears pricked his eyes, but you don't cry in prison, not if you want to live. Slowly he willed himself to draw a breath, then another, not gulping, he grabbed fistfuls of the sheet on his bunk - just trying to stay upright. It was a dream…wake up…he told himself… this was his past.

Then he was awake again with a very concerned looking Dani Reese peering curiously at him, her brows knotted in concern. His heart was hammering in his chest and his breath came in choked gulps. His hands were tangled in the sheets where he'd fisted handfuls of them. Dani was talking to him, but he couldn't hear her. She sounded far off like she was in a tunnel. " It's just a dream Crews" she said. "No"… he told her… it was a nightmare.


	5. Chapter 5 Pink Razors, Coffee & Truth

Pink Razors, Coffee and Truth

Once she was certain Charlie was not going to have a panic attack or bolt, Dani left him to take a shower. She didn't press him for answers, another reason Charlie decided he loved her.

He thought several times about joining her in the shower, but decided better of it, still trying to piece together fragments of the night. He had such vivid memories of her hands, her neck, her skin, the feel and smell of her, but… here he lay in her bed fully clothed and it perplexed him. Surely he hadn't dream it….although when he did dream about Dani, they were pretty graphic and very good dreams.

When she left the bathroom to him, to make coffee (again), for the second time in six hours, Charlie looked at himself in the mirror. He was pale and haggard looking, with dark circles under his eyes from sleeplessness and exhaustion. Wryly he concluded he was not one of those men who looked rakish with a day and a half's worth of a beard. He looked like a bum; a $50 million dollar net worth bum. What would a beautiful young woman like Dani Reese want with him? – he wondered.

Scanning the bathroom for something left behind by one of Dani's male guests, a topic he'd rather not consider at length, he found nothing resembling a razor except a pink handled plastic one in the tub. He looked at it skeptically considering the level of dullness and concluded it would not do. He lost a few minutes imagining Dani in the tub using the razor on he tanned, shapely legs, but snapped himself back to reality with crisp, cold water. After showering, Crews redressed in his clothes and ran a hand through his short hair – concluding at least now he looked like a freshly showered bum – in expensive loafers.

Dani was sitting at her kitchen table with a cup of coffee waiting for him when he emerged from her bedroom, which Crews thought should have felt weirder than it did.

"You wanna tell me why you came here last night?" _Leave it to Reese to cut straight to the chase_ he thought.

He felt like a teenager busted by his mom for breaking curfew. He sat down opposite Dani and interlaced his hands on the tabletop. She pushed a coffee cup at him and said nothing. "So" he started "Got any fruit?" He propelled him self from his chair and rounded the table, in a display of athleticism far beyond his current hangover's ability level. Heading for the fridge, he leaned into the lower half of the chiller letting the cold air wake him further. He was so not ready for this.

Dani sat quietly and patiently, too patiently, waiting for him to decide to talk. "No fruit, Crews… canned peaches in the cupboard if you're lucky" she remarked blandly, "and after you quit stalling you're still going to tell me" she said with a tone that told him she was not giving up.

"Reese…he began. "I don't remember everything, and I know I imagine a lot, but didn't I wake up with a lot more clothes on than I should have?" he countered. It was a long shot, but maybe he could drag her off topic and avoid the conversation he didn't want to have.

"Nice try, Crews….but if we're going to have sex anytime in the foreseeable future, you're going to sit down and spill it…now" she said with a hint of a smile. She was enjoying his discomfort and leveraging his obvious desire. He should learn never to underestimate his partner, he reminded himself. She was still eyeing him over the rim of her coffee cup.

Crews took the cup and sipped thoughtfully, but remained standing. Then he began to pace, his agitation building like a crescendo. If his discomfort bothered her, Dani never let on and more than once, he considered simply walking out her front door and not returning, but then that was never really an option.

She sighed and he stopped to look at her expression. She looked disappointed and sad. "Don't you trust me Crews?" Dani asked.

"You know better than to ask me that?" he scowled at her. "You may be the only person on this planet that I trust, Dani" he said softly.

"Then stop stalling…. just say it…..whatever it is – it can't be worse than…." She tapered off the comment.

"Worse than what?" he asked. "Than me showing up on your doorstep, drunk in the middle of the night, ending up fully dressed in your bed. Worse than that?"

At this Dani, placed her cup carefully on the table, slid it away from her and pushed back from the table. She rose to her full five foot one inches tall and walked very deliberately at him. Crews could not tell if she was going to hit him or kiss him, but really hoped it was the kissing one. He took a step back for each one she took forward until she walked him back to the couch. When Charlie's knees made contact with the couch, she put a single hand in the middle of his chest and pushed. He sat down because there was really nothing else to do.

"Home field advantage" she pronounced, towering over him. "Talk Crews".

"Look, I made a mistake coming here last night. I wasn't thinking. I shouldn't have…" but the rest of his pitiful excuse never made it out of his mouth, because Dani straddled his lap and began talking in a low voice.

"I may be mistaken about a lot of things, but this…" she hissed "is not one of them". "You came here last night to say something, now say it." She was merciless, he knew. He'd seen her in the interrogation room. He also knew that he didn't stand a chance. He knew instantly that he'd tell her everything. No whips, no chains, no water boarding, the dark look in her eyes was all it took. The fact she was straddling his hips and his hands somehow managed to gravitate to her hips was all excess. All it really took was her closeness and her knowledge of him. He could no more lie to her anymore than he could himself.

"Your father, my father, Mickey Rayborne and Jimmy Dunn were all in the same academy class" he blurted out – nothing like that to kill the mood, he thought.

"What?" she said.

"I said" he began, but she put her hand over his mouth.

"I heard what you said….but what does that mean?" she questioned aloud, as much to herself as to him. "And who the hell is Jimmy Dunn?"

"I don't know" he answered honestly "but it scares the hell out of me." They sat there both puzzled for a moment before she continued.

"Why didn't you shave?" she asked suddenly aware of his budding beard.

"All you have is pink razors" he said sheepishly.

The look on her face in that instant was one he would carry with him for the rest of his life, as Dani Reese threw her head back and laughed, truly laughed at him. It sounded like the happiest noise he'd ever heard and he wanted to never stop hearing it. Charlie pulled her tightly to his chest so he could nuzzle her neck and feel the laughter as it left her chest and traveled through her throat to tickle his ears.

"I love it when you laugh" he said against the skin of her collarbone pressing his lips there and feeling her pulse as it traveled through her sub-clavian artery. He shifted his hands to stroke the length of her back and was rewarded with a frantic change in tempo as her pulse quicken.

"Not fair, Crews" she chided him gently.

"Just who was it that sat on who's lap? But that's fair? So only you get to use sex as a weapon? He continued murmuring against her neck and he kissed his way to her jaw line.

"That's one of your Zen questions, right? The ones you don't expect and answer to?" She teased and then abruptly broke contact. Rising and walking away from him back to the kitchen table and patted the table top. "Yes, Crews that's right. Now get over here and tell me what the hell you are talking about".

"Uh…I can't do that right now…" prompting her to raise her eyebrows and sigh in exasperation.

"We've been through this Crews – you said you trust me - so talk" she demanded quietly.

"I didn't mean I couldn't tell you. I meant I can't move right now… I've got this little problem, well…not so little…pretty decent sized actually, but if you get my drift… you've kinda rendered me incapable of walking right now" he babbled on.

Reese who looked like the cat that swallowed the canary and just smiled as she slowly sipped her coffee. She knew full well the effect she had on him now.. He was convinced that Reese could make drinking coffee look sexy and she was doing it on purpose, so he forced himself to looked away, up - focusing on the ceiling, letting his head loll back against the couch and he tried to think about anything but Dani Reese's lips. "Did you know there's a bullet hole in your ceiling?" he remarked.

"Crews" she barked "Focus".

And he did as he began to recite what he knew about the "conspiracy" and his own private investigation from memory with occasional references to his wall, the private wiretaps, even telling her about the perp walk of Kyle Hollis that he had her and Stark do for Jack Reese's benefit. He left nothing out. He left out some of his musings, and most of his fears, but when he was done, so was his problem. He cautiously looked down ensuring it was safe to move and climbed of the couch, crossing the room to cautiously slide into the chair opposite his partner at the table. Her expression was inscrutable. "Reese?" he questioned "say something".

For a long second she said nothing at all, just stared at him, as if seeing him for the first time. "You wiretapped my father?"


	6. Chapter 6 Orange Crush

Orange Crush...(for my friends fond of citrus)

Charlie used to hear the euphemism "saved by the bell" but had never actually experienced an event where that applied until that day. With her question still hanging in the air, "you wiretapped my father", Dani's cell phone trilled loudly. She walked to the bedroom with just a hint of a scowl on her face. Charlie wasn't sure if she was annoyed at the phone's poor timing or him, but he was really hoping it was the phone.

Dani emerged from the bedroom listening intently and mouthed "Tidwell" at him. Charlie rolled his eyes, _that guy _he thought. _I can't get a break._

"Yeah, uh-huh, I got the address. What? Crews? Nope, he's probably on the subway, no cell service. I'll call him on the way. What? No! He's not here, why would you think he's…. we'll talk about this later, I've got to find my partner and get to a crime scene" she said snapping the phone shut and severing the call.

"Come on we need to get you some clean clothes, before we go to the station. Where are your keys?" she was all business and he loved her when she was focused like this.

"Crews – focus – keys" she looked expectantly at him. He patted his pockets and found them in the right front pants pocket and fished them out. She stood holding out her hand.

"Um, don't you think since it's my car I should get to drive?" he offered.

"No. No, I don't." she said taking them from his hand. "Besides you probably won't be able to" she continued.

"I'm not that drunk anymore" he said remembering with a bit of shame how bad he'd been a few short hours ago.

"That's not what I mean, Crews. This is what I mean." She said as she opened the front door and shards of Los Angeles sunlight shot into the room sending blinding light and shooting pains through his eyes and skull, like someone let loose on him with a nail gun. Charlie hissed and threw his arm up to shield his eyes.

"Okay" he surrendered. "You drive." And he could have sworn she laughed. The woman was merciless. "You don't have to be so happy about it" he grumbled feeling his way out the door. Dani took him by the elbow and steered him to the passenger seat, like you would your grandmother after church.

"I'm not the one who got drunk this time. It's kinda refreshing being on the not hungover end of things" she remarked. "And don't think for a second this conversation is over Charlie."

Crews just squinted at her, but she was already hidden behind her expensive shades; the ones he remembered buying her last Christmas at the mall. He remembered describing her from memory to the optical clerk and knowing he paid far too much attention to her even then. "Are those the sunglasses I bought you last year?" he asked.

Color flushed her face. Two could play at his game he thought, his mental acumen slowly returning. "Do you ever wear those underwear I bought you?" He watched her blush again, this was almost fun except for how bad his head hurt.

She looked at him and then asked "You bought me? I thought you couldn't return them, Crews?" Busted didn't begin to cover the look on his face, he really should be sharper before deciding to mix it up with her, she thought, but then the exchange educated her on just how long her partner had been thinking about her in a less than partner like way. He didn't really have a response other than to gulp loudly. "Yeah, that's what I thought, Crews" she said with a smile. Charlie slunk lower in the sit, lowered the visor and was quiet the rest of the trip.

************************************************************************************************************************

Back at the station…

Crews sat at his desk freshly showered, shaved and dressed in record time, all accomplished while Dani made coffee downstairs and then drove them back to the station in his Masserati. Crews made a mental note that he'd get her – her own very fast car for Christmas this year, but reconsidered as he watched her drive. He liked her driving his car and then decided to table that train of thought - as it would lead to trouble.

"Why is your partner sitting at his desk wearing sunglasses indoors at 8AM?" Tidwell said suspiciously to Dani.

She cast a backwards glance and shrugged "When you figure Crews out - let me know. So we are headed out to the scene, what's the latest?" she tried to change the subject.

Tidwell narrowed his eyes and stared at Crews through the blinds in his office "Are you sure he's all right?"

Dani shrugged again "We aren't pen pals you know – we're partners. Maybe he had a rough night" she offered.

"Ah… hungover…that would explain it. Tidwell gets it." He said. The annoying habit he had of talking about himself in the third person made Dani roll her eyes. "Just get out there and don't let him walk into furniture okay?" Dani nodded and turned to leave.

"Uh Dani… Detective? Think we could grab dinner this week?" he offered.

She stared out into the bullpen for a long moment before directing her gaze back to the Captain and giving him a non-committal "let me get back to you on that."

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"Heads up" she said tossing him an orange from the coffee cart.

"Only fruit they had on the coffee cart" she offered.

"Oh, Reese, I could kiss you" he said marveling at the orange.

"Crews" she hissed.

"What? It's a figure of speech. I'm really grateful for the fruit" Charlie said sheepishly.

"You can't say things like to me at work." Dani gritted her teeth and spoke under her breath.

Mentally Charlie was counting the qualification "at work" as a win, because that meant he could say things like that to her when they weren't at work, which implied he'd be seeing her outside work, which he really liked the sound of.

"Why" he asked like a child who didn't get something implicit to adults.

"Because people already talk enough about us" she said tersely and quietly just for his ears.

"People talk about us? Why?" he questioned.

"You know…you're a guy and I'm…"

"A girl" he finished.

"A woman" she corrected, scowling "and we spend a lot of time together, so…."

"So?" he was being deliberately obtuse she swore.

Dani sighed heavily and just looked at him hoping that her look would make him understand what her words were unable to convey. Realization dawned in Charlie's eyes and a split second before Dani thought _don't say it out loud,_ he did.

"You mean they think we're having sex?" he said conspiratorially and afterwards smiled as he realized he kind of liked the idea.

"Geez Crews…how can you be so naïve? Yes, they think we are having sex and thanks to this little display it will be hard to convince people we aren't having sex." She said dragging him toward the elevator.

"But we aren't" he trailed off, beginning to realize she was trying to get him to stop.

As the doors closed, Charlie continued the conversation Reese was trying desperately to end saying "I don't care if they think we are having sex, but if it bothers you people think we are - I'll tell them we aren't, even if we actually do, which I was kinda hoping we might…." he said in a low whisper. She stopped him with a fierce look and absolute quiet.

Pushing the stop button, Dani glared at him "if you have any hope of ever getting laid with me Crews, you'll never do that at work again".

She qualified it again "at work" and Charlie's heart soared. "but it's okay outside of work right?" he teased. He could have sworn she actually growled at him.

"And Reese" he winced at the withering look she shot him "I'm not looking to get laid. I do that plenty, I want us to be different."

The look on her face was another one Crews catalogued for the future. Reese made the most amazing expressions when he said something she wasn't expecting, especially if it was personal and just between them. This was one of those times and he couldn't think of anyone, anywhere he'd rather just look at – he never got tired of her expressions- but Charlie wanted to do more to Reese than just look, a lot more.

Deciding not to push his luck, Charlie commented "I'll just get us going again" reaching over her shoulder to push the run button, an action that took him into the range of her perfume and he lingered a tiny bit too long, looking down at her.

"Enjoying yourself there Crews?" she said with just a hint of levity in her voice.

Charlie knew he shouldn't have done it, but he couldn't resist. He quickly circled an arm around her waist and pulled her to him. Pausing just as the elevator settled knowing he had about two seconds before the doors opened, he spoke in a low voice "not yet, but soon" before he kissed her quickly and released her stepping back to a respectable distance.

Dani's heart rate shot up and her face flushed, as Crews stepped back and carefully groomed his features. "So Detective Reese, do you want to drive to the crime scene or shall I?" Charlie said pointedly and professionally while she stood mildly stunned for second in the open elevator.

"You coming?" he smiled at her, earning him a narrow eyed look, but Charlie also knew Dani was containing, holding back a smile and he walked ahead pleased with himself for the first time in the past two days.

*******************************************************************************************************************************

The case they'd drawn involved a man who had apparently both shot and hung himself, which seemed a bit of an overachievement for someone despondent enough to commit suicide. It was about three miles from the station, long enough for Crews to dig into his pocket and begin to peel the orange Dani brought him.

"Reese, did you know that some people suffering from Seasonal Affective Disorder, which is SAD. Not sad like as in blue, but the abbreviation, you know S-A-D….

"Yes, Crews I can spell" she said annoyed as usual. This was what they did, this was normal for them, he thought.

He completely ignored her comment and continued, just as he always did "actually people with SAD suffer from a Vitamin D deficiency from not getting enough sunlight. Sunlight is how your body makes Vitamin D and I don't just mean your body, I mean everyone's. But personally I think I miss Vitamin C more than Vitamin D. Did you want some of this?" he said holding out a piece of the orange to her.

"My hands will get all sticky, Crews and I'm driving remember" she said annoyed.

There was a pause as she changed lanes and pulled into traffic, before Reese ventured somewhere she'd never gone before. She asked Charlie a question about prison. " Crews… did you really miss fruit more than sunshine in prison?"

Charlie was shocked not at her question, but by the fact that she'd asked it. This marked a departure, Reese never initiated a non-work related conversation and she's also never mentioned his time in prison in all the time they'd worked together. It was as if she wanted to ignore it ever occurred.

"Well, you get time in the yard and therefore sunshine, but never fruit. It's hard to miss something you never really totally lost, but I supposed light leaks into even the darkest places. Even in solitary there was time in the yard, but it was always alone."

Suddenly it was as if he wasn't there at all, Reese instantly regretted the question and she felt like she could actually feel him leave. She reached out anxious to bring him back. "Crews… you here?" she said holding onto his sleeve.

Charlie came back in that instant and he turned to face her "yes, yes I am here, Reese."

"I'm sorry" she said after a beat. "I didn't mean to bring back bad memories."

He was quiet for a moment and when he spoke it was in his Zen, which usually infuriated her, but this time made complete sense.

"Our life is shaped by the mind, what we think we become. Suffering follows an evil thought as the wheels of a cart follow the oxen that pull it. Our life is shaped by our minds, we become what we think. Joy follows a pure thought like a shadow that never leaves."

"There is nothing wrong with you wanting to know, you didn't mean to cause me pain, Dani. " he offered plainly.

"But I still did" she continued.

"It's okay Reese, you brought me an orange. See liquid sunshine." And this time when he offered the orange she took it.


	7. Chapter 7 Double Suicide

Double Suicide??

Crews finished the orange just ahead of their arrival at the crime scene. He pronounced as they slowed driving into an old established neighborhood, that this was not far from where he grew up, leaving Reese to ponder his past. She'd know about his recent past in Pelican Bay, but had never given much thought to who Charlie Crews was before he was sent to prison.

Dani Reese prided herself on not be too terribly introspective, but on this morning, she realized that while she instinctive knew what kind of man Crews was - she knew almost nothing of where he came from. Crews on the other hand knew virtually her entire past from the time she was about 12 years old. It made her a bit uneasy and decidedly determined to explore with Crews where his past lay and how it got him to the LAPD. She imagined there had to me a lot to Crews she did not know, for instance, he'd never mentioned that Charles Crews Sr was a cop and beyond that a cop with her father, Jack Reese. _ There had to be more there_ she thought silently acknowledging it was a very Crews thought she'd just had, before she was pulled back to reality by their arrival at the scene.

Their "there" today, when they got there, turned out to be a small, modest home with a radio car parked out front. As they pulled to the curb, Charlie noted bright yellow crime scene tape ringing old growth oak trees and a couple uniformed officers were leaning against the hood of their car drinking coffee.

"Do you think it's normal how acquainted with and accustomed to death we are?" Crews contemplated out loud.

"There is nothing normal about anything we do" Reese said ducking under the tape and pulling gloves from her pocket.

"What do we have?" she asked the crime scene tech taking photos.

"White male, mid-forties, lives here – or at least he did. Looks like he tied an electrical extension cord to the rafters in the attic, stood on a dining room chair, put the noose around his neck, then shot himself in the mouth with a small caliber firearm and fell off the chair hanging himself. It's only a partial suspension hanging cause the extension cord has a good bit of play in it, but it did the trick, he's double dead." The tech recited tersely with a bit of gallows humor, shaking her head, the tech walked away snapping more digital photos.

The tech who was petite, blonde and slight wearing a navy blazer emblazoned with CSI on the back, alternated between focusing and snapping and pulling back and observing her results, while Charlie and Dani watched. Looking at the body, Dani tried to lift the man's arm, but it was frozen stiff at the shoulder. "He's in full rigor – that means time of death is somewhere about 12 hours ago, about 9PM" Dani concluded speaking aloud to her partner and hoping he was listening.

He looked at her and nodded, indicating he heard, although he still said nothing.

"Who found the body?" Dani asked.

"Cleaning lady. The house was going on the market, family moving back east." The blonde girl continued.

"Well, that would explain the lack of furniture. So the chair, that's it? only furniture in the house?" Dani asked.

"From the looks of it, he wasn't even sleeping here, just came here to do this - apparently." The tech said "kinda sad if you ask me".

"Why are we here?" Dani looked at Charlie who just shrugged.

"No gun" the tech said plainly. "We've looked and while it's pretty clear he shot himself, GSR on his right hand, intraoral gunshot wound, the weapon is MIA; therefore we get you fine detectives" the tech said tersely.

"So someone else was here" Dani surmised. "Someone who took the gun, but didn't call the police and didn't cut him down."

"Guess so...." said the tech. "We're all done here detective, unless you need something else?" Dani shook her head and the tech packed up her camera gear to leav

Charlie was wandering from room to room, just looking and being incredibly quiet, too quiet for Charlie. He stopped in front of the large window in the dining room that looked out onto the quiet street in a modest neighborhood. All the neighborhood's lawns were well manicured, old growth trees provided shade and the streets were neat and houses all recently painted in neutral tones or pastels.

Dani walked to stand quietly beside him. _This was Pleasantville, what could have possibly happened here that merited this_ Dani thought. "What are you thinking?"

How bad must your life be to kill your self twice? Charlie wondered aloud.

It wasn't a question that anyone could answer. It reminded her of a sick Zen koan, but not a thought she shared with Crews. Neither said anything for a few moments and then Charlie's head inclined to the left sharply and she knew he'd seen something. He had an almost prescient ability to see things everyone else seemed to miss and when he did she could tell it instantly, even if she could not divine what it was he was seeing.

"What do you see Charlie?" she said softly.

"Someone is watching us."

Dani looked up and down the street and they were blessedly empty, no news vans, no bystanders, no looky-loos, nothing. "Where?" she asked.

He started to point, but she stop his hand with hers "Just tell me" she directed.

"Look across the yard, past the patrol car, across the street, see the yellow house?"

She nodded and he continued "The dining room window of that house is just like the one in this one, it looks directly into this one. Someone is watching us from that window." Dani focused on the window and was rewarded with the movement of drapes indicating someone was in fact observing their activities from directly across the street.

"Officer?" Crews spoke to the tech. "When you came in were the lights on or off in here?"

"Uh, on I guess. I didn't really notice with all the sun" the tech said sheepishly "but I can tell you I didn't turn them on". Everyone looked up and the lights on the ceiling were indeed lit.

"There are no drapes in here, so if the lights were on, then they were on all night" Dani tuned into and followed Charlie's train of unspoken thought.

Charlie finished for her "and our friend across the street could see him hanging there all night long but never called the police. Now why do you think that is, Detective Reese?"

Looking down she realized she was still holding Charlie's hand and dropped it immediately. ""I don't know, but let's go find out Detective Crews."

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They approached the front of the yellow house side by side and split when they hit the doorway, standing to either side, rather than directly in front of the door. If someone inside the house decided to come out shooting, they usually aimed for the center of the door, making the sides the safer approach. Reese noted the drapes move as they approached. "He knows we are coming" she warned.

"Then let's not disappoint" Crews quipped.

He rapped sharply on the door and announcing "LAPD". Right hand on his holstered pistol, Crews put his left index finger over the peephole, forcing who ever was behind the door to open it in order to see them. The door opened a crack and a diminutive man with mousey grayish hair said "how can I help you officers?"

"Detectives" Charlie corrected "and we'd like to talk to you about one of your neighbors, sir. Do you mind if we come in?" Crews continued leading the interaction.

The man seemed to consider the request before backing away from the door and letting them inside. His house smelled of a number of cats and one escaped out the front door as he let them in.

He led them into the living room, which was directly behind the dining room at the back of the house. All of his furniture was covered in plastic, which created a squeaking noise as Crews sat down. Reese stood behind him, still saying nothing, just watching his back and observing.

"Did you know your neighbor?" Crews inquired.

"Well, I have a lot of neighbors…" the man began.

"We're only interested in the dead one across the street" Reese said finally breaking her silence.

"Yes, well, those police cars have been here since around seven, so I figured something was wrong" the man minimized.

"Could you tell me what time you go to bed generally? Mr…? I'm sorry, we didn't get your name" Crews probed.

"Trosky, my name is Kevin Trosky. And I don't sleep well, so I'm up late, but I didn't see anything. It's a quiet neighborhood, you know?" the man said continuing to lie.

"So you didn't hear a gunshot or see any cars coming or going across the street last night?" Crews questioned.

"Gunshot? No? I thought the man was hanged" he said surprised.

"Now why would you think that?" Dani approached from his side.

"Well, it's just… I don't know… but I didn't hear a gunshot" the man said getting steadily more agitated.

"You sure it's not because you could see him hanging in his dining room from yours, because his lights were on and there were no drapes in his windows?" Dani pressed.

"Well…. I never….that's just ridiculous…." Trosky blustered.

"Seems like you pay a lot of attention to what goes on across the street Mr Trosky, from the amount of time you've spent watching me and my partner this morning. You sure you didn't see that man hanging there in that window all night long, since you were up so late and what with his house lit up like a Christmas tree, shining right in your window and all??" Dani was on him now. Charlie almost felt sorry for the guy.

"I think we'd better continue this conversation downtown, don't you Detective?" Dani remarked to her partner.

"Yes, yes I do." Charlie remarked to his partner, before pulling out his handcuffs and stating flatly "Mr Trosky, we're going to have to ask you to come with us, sir." Crews said levelly.

"You're arresting me?" Trosky said "For what? That sick man hanging himself? That's not my fault… he was a sick, sick man." Trosky continued now babbling.

"Sick from what?" Dani questioned.

"He was a…. " Trosky swallowed hard. "He was a gay" he whispered.

"He was a gay." Dani said perturbed. "What is the 1960's? Did your neighbor's lifestyle bother you Mr Trosky?"

"It's no surprise to me that he hanged himself, probably couldn't live with himself anymore" Trosky morale superiority creeping into his voice.

"So, you just let him hang there all night right Mr Trosky? Because that was what he deserved huh? Okay, Mr Trosky – now you are under arrest for violation of California Penal Code 190.2, showing depraved indifference to another human being. "

They walked the man to the radio car, handcuffed him and put him in the back, before Crews remarked "There is no California Penal Code 190.2 - depraved indifference law, Reese."

"Well, there should be" she said darkly. "People like that just piss me off" she said darkly. "Very unenlightened" she spoke directly to Charlie in his language, causing him to focus on her face, which wore a smirk just meant for him.

"Yeah, there should be a law against being an unenlightened asshole" he agreed quietly "but there's definitely one against removing evidence from a crime scene" climbing back into their unmarked for the ride to the station.

"Exactly" Reese remarked. Her dark mood permeated the car and he knew the next few hours in the interrogation suite would not be pleasant ones. "I want this guy in jail, Crews."

"If that is what you want Reese, then that is what you shall have." Charlie promised.


	8. Chapter 8 Faith and Exhaustion

Faith and Exhaustion

It really didn't take as long as they thought for stuffy Mr Trosky to admit he watched his neighbor kill himself, but the man vigorously denied actually doing the deed himself. Charlie didn't like Trosky for the shooting because he felt he man was too repulsed by his neighbor's lifestyle to enter the house, but did think the man took perverse almost sadistic pleasure in the man's death, which while not criminal; Crews had to agree with Dani, should be.

But they were able to get a warrant, based largely on Reese's insistence and the friendly judge's respect for her hunches. But after an exhaustive search of Trosky's house and car by the uniforms did not turn up the gun, Reese insisted on going there herself. She was tenacious and in the back of his mind, all Crews could think was – if she turns this kind of energy on me – I'm in big trouble.

Reese was a furiously searching on her own, when Charlie came into the room, his hangover finally burnt off with coffee in hand. She was frustrated and angry because they were going to have to kick Trosky if they couldn't tie him to something other than being an unsufferable asshole.

Charlie shut the door to the room she was searching, cleared his throat to get her undivided attention and offered her the coffee, which she accepted grumbling, but still distractedly searching, with her eyes while she drank.

"Reese" Charlie said insistently "what if you are looking for something that isn't there?"

At that she stopped and looked directly at him. "You don't like him for this?" she questioned.

"Well, I agree he's a Class A jerk, but the uniforms have been over this place and all they've found is about seventeen cats" he said putting his coffee down and placing his hands on her neck. She tensed at first, but relaxed into his grip and rolled her head to the side.

"Help me see what I'm missing Charlie" she spoke absently.

Another departure, Reese never asked for help, their relationship was changing, shifting, morphing into something new, something closer, something much more personal and it was Reese who was allowing the change.

He leaned close to her ear, drinking in the scent of her shampoo and light touch of perfume that linger near her throat, repeating Zen to her "don't seek, don't search, don't ask, don't knock, don't demand. Relax – it will come, relax – it is there." The last time he applied this particular bit of Zen it was to himself and he was thinking about Dani at the time. Now he was saying it to her.

"Empty your mind of thoughts and listen" he instructed gently. "What do you hear? What do you smell? What do you see?" Right now, Charlie was thinking about what he saw – and he saw only Reese, the gentle curve of her neck as it met her shoulder, the feel of her skin under his hands, the smell of her shampoo and the gentle rhythm of her breathing, but was he awakened from his reverie by her next comment.

"Cats" she spoke "I see, hear, smell cats. That's it." She whirled in his arms, kissed him quickly, grabbed her coffee and was out the door before he could fully appreciate her flight.

"Hey" she shouted to the uniforms. "Did anybody check the litter boxes?" this elicited a collective groans from the uniforms.

"Come on Detective" one of the patrolman groused "don't you think that's going a bit far?"

"No. No I don't. Dump them all" she directed. "Do it, do it now." She said when all she received were dull stares. The house was suddenly filled with an even more pungent odor and a haze of dust hung in the air as a myriad of cat boxes were dumped through out the house.

"Geez, Detective, this is so much better than directing traffic" another officer complained. But then another officer sang out "bingo" and there - in pile of dirt, clumps of moist litter and cat dung was one finely coated 32 caliber pistol - and suddenly the grumbling stopped.

Crews was immensely proud of her, following her gut, she found the evidence she knew was there, even when no one else - including him - believed it was. Dani's faith in herself had returned.

"That's why she's a Detective and you're doing school crossings" Crews quipped to a particularly surly Sergeant. "Now lock this place up tight and do a real search, or do you need us to stay here and hold your hand?" Crews berated the guy who'd given Dani the most flack.

It was twilight as they departed the house and headed back to the station. Neither of them had eaten all day and their day had started earlier, in truth Crews' day had never ended so he was running on empty.

Dani called down to central booking and had them book Trosky in under "evidence tampering and obstruction of justice" charges that would hold him for the night.

"What no depraved indifference?" Charlie teased, earning him a smirk from Dani, while she typed and talked on the phone to the clerk in booking.

Then there was the paperwork, mountains and mountains of paperwork, so much that by midnight neither of them could see straight, type or read anything anymore.

"How come in the cop shows no one ever shows the paperwork?" Charlie yawned.

"Reese" he pleaded with his head down on his desk "let's go home."

Charlie was so tired, his hair hurt, but when they walked to the parking garage, both realized they had only Charlie's car from this morning in the lot. Dani looked at him, he was once again haggard and pitiful looking like some shaggy reddish brown stray dog, with the most wonderful blue eyes looking at her expectantly.

"Okay" she said answering the question he hadn't asked "my place is closer, but don't think about making a habit of this."

And so Charlie Crews spent his second night in Dani's bed without doing anything besides sleeping. Just before he felt himself drift into a deep sleep, Charlie had the impression that the simple act of wrapping his arms around Reese, holding her against his chest and burying his nose in the hair at the base of her neck was about the best thing he'd done all week.


	9. Chapter 9 Sea Green Eyes

The sun shone through her window, waking Dani Reese from a dreamless deep sleep. She was warm and felt remarkably good, which led her to wonder why; then the lean arm draped over her reminded her… Crews. Charlie was lying behind her, their bodies contoured against each other. His right arm was draped over her shoulder and tucked under the pillow her head rested on. He was holding her without holding on, which was perfect for Reese, who did not like the feeling of being restrained and captive.

How could Crews know how to hold her perfectly to make her feel safe without being crowded she wondered? How did Crews know so many things about her that he seemed to intuit? How did someone who'd known her for such a short time, know her so completely? Did she really ask him for help yesterday? What was happening to them?

Charlie was so fractured and fragmented himself, it was a wonder that he could fit so naturally into her life, but there he was like a piece of furniture, solidly and stably in her life. It seemed almost as if he'd always been there and would always be there. Dani realized that she had a hard time imagining her life without him in it.

"_Do you ever think about us?"_ he'd said in the car and she'd panicked.

Yes, she'd have to admit, once or twice, against her will, her subconscious took her places at night with Charlie Crews that the following morning she'd spend time shaking out of her head before meeting him for coffee. She wondered if it was her fascination with bad boys, and Charlie's stint in prison that subconsciously attracted her, but mostly she tried not to think about erotic, uncontrolled dreams about her tall, slim, red haired partner, with his sea green eyes and his enigmatic smile.

She was glad those days for the copious amounts of LA sunshine and the fact it allowed her to hide behind her sunglasses. She was also glad it forced Crews to don his curiously sienna shades, so she couldn't see the greens and blues of his eyes that fluctuated based on his mood. In her dreams, Charlie's eyes were mesmerizing and full of things she knew weren't real, at least not real for them. There was no "them" was there? Yet here Charlie was, in her bed, for the second night in a row.

Men didn't get to come to Dani Reese's house. It was her sanctuary, her's alone and she shared it with no one. All those months she dated and slept with Tidwell, it was at his house. He referred to it as "home field advantage", but the truth was no one slept here but her… and apparently now, Charlie Crews. He was strange man, she thought. Two nights in a row, after he'd expressed strong sexual interest in her, Charlie was content to just sleep with her. It was a bit unsettling for Dani. Her normal default setting was sex first, questions never. But Charlie was there in her home, in her personal space, in her bed, in her head and probably in her heart too, she thought. _How did he do that? And all without any apparent effort._

Dani Reese was stubbornly independent and decidedly so. She refused to let men treat her like a woman, except in bed. But Crews she let do these things for her. She remembered the small things he did, like buying her coffee and opening doors. He was a gentleman even though he didn't make a big show of it. He also stood back and let her do things for herself when it would be much easier for him to take over. He did it not to make her ask for help, but because he knew that's what she wanted. He respected her and that was not a feeling Dani was used to receiving from a man. Sure they respected her looks and wanted her body, but Charlie Crews respected her as an equal and wanted her trust. She just wasn't sure she was ready for everything Crews expected of her. It was just too much, but then what did Crews say? _The moment is pretty much always too much._

She moved slightly and Crews shifted raising his head. His voice was full of genuine concern but thick with sleep as he asked "you alright?" She mumbled an affirmative "uh-huh" and rolled onto her back. Big mistake, because he was staring at her, propped on his elbow, with those aforementioned changeable blue green eyes. Dani was in over her head, she wanted to keep control over this situation and their relationship, which began to pitch and yaw wildly two nights ago when he showed up on her doorstep drunken and pitiful.

Dani toyed with the sexual attraction, which was considerable. She knew from the department rumor mill Crews was a practiced lover and got very favorable reviews from the ladies. She knew he was probably pretty terrific in bed, but after having two days to consider the consequences of sex with Charlie Crews, her junior partner and much older man – Dani was trying hard to talk herself out of going down that road.

The first night he came to her house, the night she invited him into her bedroom, Crews told her it was not just for that night. He was not that drunk. Charlie wanted something from her Dani was not sure she was ready to give to anyone – faith. He knew her trust had been broken and fragmented; they'd even sort of talked about it. Dani was not even certain she had all the pieces, much less the ability to put them back together again. Crews just wanted too much didn't he?

But looking in those eyes, Dani found she did trust him. She trusted him with her life. Could she trust him with her heart? The thoughts occupied her entirely. Crews grazed a finger down her cheek and inquired softly "hey, where'd you go?" When she looked up, those luminous eyes were still there and not an ounce of guile in them. Dani swore she could see straight into Charlie's Crews soul. It was like looking into still, clear, cold water and it shocked her the clarity there.

"Charlie" she started and really wanted to finish. She was going to explain all the reasons why this was a bad idea and how they should rethink the whole thing, when he flattened his hand spreading warmth across her cheek and leaned in. Her thoughts fled with his approach. His kiss began gentle and soft, but quickly became hungrier and she found herself captivated by him. His hands sunk under her waist drawing her closer to him and Dani realized she was in real trouble. This wasn't a Friday night fun fling. She wanted this man and he wanted her in a way that had nothing to do with need and everything to do with intimacy and love. It was so much, so fast, so complete, that it frightened her, but not enough to stay Charlie's hands as they roved over her body.

She pulled him to her, on top of her, which was crazy because Dani like to be on top, in charge, setting the pace. But with Charlie she felt safe, if she wanted to stop he would. But Dani didn't want to stop. She wanted to do obscene things with her junior partner, starting first with getting that shirt off his chest. She tugged on his shirt, resulting in Charlie breaking their kiss chuckling "okay, okay… I'll take it off, but I have warn you what's under there is no Calvin Klein underwear ad".

He sat up and with one hand pulled his white t-shirt off and tossed it into oblivion. She could truly see him now, the red hair on his chest, alit in the sun, the scars that littered it, some where pink and angry, others were white older, but it was obvious how hard they tried to kill him. "How did you survive all this?" she said almost to herself. Her hands explored his chest and back.

"Sometimes I think everything I went through brought me to this moment and for that - I wouldn't change one stitch or one broken bone" he smiled at her. Charlie was honest. He was an open book to her. She knew his beginning, middle and end. It was a book she could curl up with on the couch, take to the beach and reread over and over. He touched her face, gathering it in both of his hands "Dani, it doesn't hurt anymore."

"How can you have the strength to feel anything after all this?" she asked a tough question, but one she needed the answer to.

"I have reasons to go on. I have the job. I need to know who did this to us and why." He answered simply and then paused,

"_Us"_ the voice in her head echoed. _Do you ever think about us?_ He asked her in the car. Dani's head was swimming. _Was there an "us"? Were they "together" together_? Charlie's rambling discourse replayed in her head.

"and I have hope" he continued "just when I didn't think I could feel anything for anyone anymore life gave me you." Charlie's kiss took her breath away and all thought fled with it. She climbed to a kneeling position and straddled him.

"And here we are again" she arched an eyebrow at him "think you can manage not to pass out or fall asleep on me this time?" she teased.

"I have never been more wide awake in my life" he smiled.

Charlie hooked his thumbs under her tank top and dragged his hands up the sides of her ribcage. He took his time, although it was apparent he was already "ready", Charlie was not an impatient man. He took his time appreciating the sensitive skin of her shoulders, the hollows under the collarbone and kissing along her neckline behind her ears, nibbling the taut muscles of her neck. He pulled her impossibly close and she could feel the increasingly ragged breaths leave his rib cage.

Dani lavished attention on him in return as he breathed coolly over skin he warmed with his tongue and lips. To speed him up, she raked her nails lightly over the skin of his back. "Oh, god Dani" was his response.

"Try to remember that next time we are in the car" she teased.

Charlie rolled them over to the bed pinning her under him, his eyes were dark with desire and he stopped to just look at her for a long moment. His deep scrutiny was not something Dani was ready for; she found herself lost in the look in his eyes.

Lust was a look Dani saw often, but love, adoration, concern, those were foreign to her, she had to look away. Charlie patiently but slowly took his finger, hooked the knuckle under her chin and returned her face to his, her eyes to his. He softly kissed her. "You never need to be afraid of me, sweetheart. We go where you want to and only when you are ready."

Tears sprung to Dani's eyes "don't do that" she whispered harshly. "I can take your need, your hunger, roughness, but don't do that Charlie".

He stilled above her until she met his eyes again. "You know how I feel about you Dani and it's not about roughness and sex. If you don't trust me, this doesn't work. That's not how I am - not how I am - with you. I tried not to – but I failed. This won't less it be anything less than everything I got. If that's too much, tell me now and we stop here."

She cried softly into his shoulder and he held her. "Sssh, it's okay" he coached.

She drew back angry. "No, dammit it's not okay. You're not supposed to be here."

"Here? In your house? Because if you want I can leave…" he offered unsure.

"No moron. Here" she pointed to her heart, angrily. "I know I shouldn't do this, I shouldn't care, I shouldn't …. I just shouldn't….. she trailed.

"Shouldn't what, honey?" he kissed her forehead tenderly.

"I shouldn't…love you. Dammit Crews, I shouldn't love you. It's crazy, it's out of the question, against the regs and stop kissing me - you are not helping here."

Charlie's smile could have blinded a welder in a mask.

"What?" she said when he said nothing, but grinned.

"You just said you love me" he looked straight into her.

"No I didn't" she stiffly denied it. "I said I shouldn't…." becoming very quiet.

"Shouldn't but you do" he repeated to her. "and it's okay Reese, I do too.

**_(Sadly I do not write X-rated scenes – I need to invite a guest author to fill in the blank spots, which in most cases are best left to the imagination)_**

**_**************************************************************************************************************_**

Dani was exhausted, but satiated as she lay draped across Charlie Crews chest while he ticked off a list of their lunch or brunch options, when she suddenly interrupted him "So that girl? The one that was in your house the day you shot your father? She's Rachel Seybolt?"

Charlie should have known that Dani's mind never fully switched off, even on the cases they were working, she would unexpectedly present something that had been working in the background of her brain like a computer processing multiple programs simultaneously.

He might have been a bit threatened, worried that his skill in bed was not up to snuff, if he weren't secure in the fact that his lithe, younger partner loved him, but Charlie knew this was classic Dani. Didn't mean she was bored, just meant she was way smarter than him and he loved that and about a million other things about her. Crews swore he'd never tell Dani how interesting he found her dark moods and demanding demeanor, which he found kind of sexy and when she pouted just for him in the car he was particularly appreciative.

"Charlie?" she asked shaking him out of his reverie.

"What?" he said. "Oh…. Yes, Rachel, she's like I said – a friend of the family".

"Hmph" was Dani's only response.

"You didn't believe me?" he questioned looking down his chest at her.

"I thought….she… you have a certain reputation with the ladies…" she offered a bit sheepishly.

"Uh-huh. So you thought…." He left off. "Oh…." he said somewhat disturbed. "Don't you think she's a bit young for me?"

"Yes. Yes I do." Dani said rather flatly.

"I don't suppose there's any chance you were the tiniest bit jealous? Was there Reese?" Charlie teased.

"No, I'm sure there's not." Dani said her dark eyes closing the argument.

"Good, because if it helps at all. My hearts been yours for so long I can't remember the last woman I wanted in that way that what that wasn't you." Charlie pronounced in classic Crews style with a sentence that you had to deconstruct to figure out.

"You saying you love me, Crews?" Dani propped her chin on his chest.

"Yes and if you'd like me to take out full page ad in tomorrow's paper telling the world I will" he offered with a bright smile.

"No, please don't. It would be on every wall of the station from the lobby to the helipad. I know and that's enough" she said smiling.

"Okay" he said trying to sound dejected. "But… just remember you said it first" he smiled at her shyly.

"No, I didn't." Crews just looked at her. "I didn't." he continued to stare.

"This is just like that case with Easley, when said you didn't call me your partner." Charlie chuckled. Reese just glared at him, but a smile began to tug at the corners of her mouth.

"Why Detective Reese… you're smiling… and not a little smile either… a "pretty happy" smile…why is that?" Charlie teased while drawing his hands up the length of her torso lavishing attention on her ticklish spots with his long fingers.

"My rich partner's taking me to brunch some place with $12 oatmeal" she teased back.

"Why don't you take a shower? Let me run to the market, get some fresh fruit and bread and let me feed you grapes? We could stay in bed all day" he tempted.

"We've got Trosky in lockup and an arraignment in 48 hours, Crews. Much as I would love to, we've got work to do" she said climbing out of bed.

"Hey" he said "I've got an idea on how we can save time….and water" he arched his eyebrows at her.

She smiled and pulled the covers off him. "Okay, but no using my shampoo. I'm not riding around in a car all day with a guy who smells like me."

"Yes, ma'am." Crews grinned. "As long as I get to wash all the places you can't reach" he kissed her shoulder and wrapped his hands around her hipbones pulling her close.

"Why do I get the idea this doubling up in the shower is going to save neither time nor water?" she said before stepping into his kiss. Charlie didn't answer he just tugged her into the bathroom and shut the door.


	10. Chapter 10 Partners

Partners….

Trosky stupidly refused a lawyer. They were having him brought down from lockup for another "talk". _You can't __fix stupid, _Charlie remembered his Field Training Officer saying during his rookie year. It was an idiom that proved truer over time. Even after spending a night in lock up Trosky was convinced he was smarter than the police. This was a dangerous thing to do with Charlie, because he was a devoted and dedicated public servant; but it was insane to do with Dani Reese, because she was driven and very, very smart.

Dani spent the morning coaxing a speedier latent print exam out of the crime lab latent print examiner. The tech who was enamored of her, (and _let's face it_ Charlie thought _who isn't),_ was convinced to drop a burglary case he was laboring over to examine the little gun from Trosky's litterbox stash. The gun was actually covered with prints from the deceased, but after careful examination one tiny partial was found on the slide and it matched the right index of Troksy's central booking ten print card.

Reese returned from the crime lab, triumphant. Charlie could tell by her walk and the slight hint of smile, which reminded him of a large predatory cat ready to pounce as she approached. "You got him?" he asked already knowing the answer, but letting her gloat was just a glorious way to spend his morning.

"Yes… WE… got him" she said graciously sharing the credit.

"No Reese. This one is all you, honey". He admitted.

Her eyes widened and then narrowed, examining him darkly. "Come're" she said dragging him into the stairwell.

"What'd I do?" he asked perplexed.

"Charlie, you can't do that at work" she scolded him quietly, knowing how voices in stairwells tend to carry.

"What?" he said still lost.

She just glared at him. "Think about what you just said, Crews", but nothing resembling recognition passed in front of his eyes. "You don't remember do you?" she accused him.

"I just said that you deserved all the credit. And you do, I wouldn't have gotten Trosky, but you… you were….tenacious, driven, kinda scary... but right Reese. You were right and you got him." He rambled still unsure what he'd done to piss her off.

"Crews, we wouldn't have been in the house if you hadn't seen… whatever it is you see… however it is you do it, which I don't know and don't understand, but WE solved this Crews. And you really don't remember just calling me "honey" in there?" she said patiently and looked expectantly at him.

"I didn't" he said "Did I?" he wondered aloud eyes focusing up into the air and trying to remember. "Reese? Would it be so bad if people knew we were "together" together?"

She sighed. "Sleeping with your partner isn't exactly encouraged you know? They might split us up." At this Charlie's look darkened.

"We wouldn't want that." He said more thoughtfully.

"No" she responded reaching out for his hand. "I'm not mad, Charlie. You just have to be more careful, okay". He entwined his hand in hers and looked down at their joined hands.

"Sure Reese, it's just hard not to love you when I'm at work" he said honestly.

She cocked her head to the side and responded under her breath "not fair, Charlie, really not fair" she said stepping into his space to kiss him. "You cheat you know? How you do it with so few words or looks is…. It's just so you Crews, you know?"

"Does that mean you forgive me?" he teased "cause I don't want to be in the doghouse all day." His arm wound around her back pulling her closer and deepening their kiss.

"I can't seem to stay mad at you." She admitted. "Now let's go get this guy" she grinned.

"I just wanna watch" he bragged "and enjoy watching you take him apart piece by piece. You lead, just let me watch, Dani." He pleaded gently.

"You really don't want in on this?" she asked. "We are a team Crews, we work best together, what you see - I don't, what you don't understand - I interpret, what you miss - I pick up….that's why this works. I don't want you on the sidelines, I want you beside me."

"You mean that we are stronger together than either of us would be alone." He said solemnly.

"I mean we are partners and everything that infers" she said. He smiled and released her "Just don't call me honey" she reminded.

"I promise, I won't do that at work again, Reese." She turned to look at him as he qualified her prohibition. He wanted permission to continue their relationship beyond the office and apply different rules there.

She arched her eyebrows at him and glared trying to intimidate him. "Come'on Charlie? Give me a break here. Do I call you Tiger or Ace or Slick?"

"Would you like to?" he teased.

"No" she said a little too fast. "I don't like nicknames, pet names or the rest of that crap." She groused at him.

He gathered her into his arms and "okay, honey. I'll try." She sighed again.

"What? I did it again, didn't I?" he said.

"Yeah, babe you did" she replied honestly and winced.

"Did you just call me babe?" Charlie drew back and grinned at her.

"This is going to be harder than I thought" she admitted. "let's table this for now and talk it about it later." She gave in.

"Yeah, especially since the Department has cameras in the stairwells" he said pointing up.

Dani looked up at the camera, which steadily observed and probably taped at the very least their physical interaction in the stairwell, if not their conversation. "You knew that was there the whole time didn't you?" she cocked her head to the side and tried to sound annoyed.

"I'm not the one who dragged us out here in the stairwell. I much prefer it when we make out in the elevator." He grinned at her.

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"So Mr Trosky… you wanna explain how the gun that shot your neighbor got into your house? or more accurately into a litter box in you house?" Reese said before she even actually sat down. Boy, this guy was so done Charlie thought. He tried not to smile at the image of Reese breaking Trosky open like a shotgun. "I mean unless one of your cats was the Amazing Kreskin in another life... you had to out that gun there."

Trosky turned from a careful examination of his nails to a ashen color and began to stammer "I'm sure I don't know what you mean."

"No? The little 32 in the litterbox with your right index fingerprint on the slide? Not sounding familiar? Maybe it will get better for you when ballistics matches the slug from your neighbor's intraoral gunshot wound to that little gun in your house."

"I don't know how that got there." Trosky blanched whiter still.

"Not sure the jury's gonna buy that Mr Trosky." Reese continued making a beeline for the man's jugular.

"Here's what the jury's gonna see…. a confirmed bachelor homophobe, with a gun in his house, taken from the scene where a fine, up standing, family man who lived a quiet little house, in a quiet little neighborhood, died a very peculiar death." Reese continued never taking her eyes off Trosky's, she paused for effect and then moved in for the kill.

"Then they're gonna take all of about ten minutes to convict you, and send you to the gas chamber. They aren't going to care why you did it. You get one shot at explaining yourself that's me and my partner. We are the only ones who are gonna care about the "why", so do yourself a favor and tell us why you did it Kevin." She sunk her teeth in using the first name for the first time.

Intimate, personal, creative and so very skilled Charlie thought appreciating her style and pace. Trosky's head dropped to his chest and he began to weep, the prelude to a complete confession Charlie knew from experience.

It took a tremendous amount of time to reduce Trosky's rambling confession to writing, _another thing they never showed in the cop shows on TV,_ which Charlie was appreciating less and less all the time. Several hours later with a videotaped confession and written version, signed by Trosky; they took the long walk to lockup, where he would be transferred to County awaiting trial. Throughout most of it Charlie had remained conspicuously silent, watching and reading Reese.

She sat down and put her head in her hands on her desk. Still massaging her temples, which Charlie was kinda hoping she'd let him do, Reese began the conversation he knew was coming. "Wanna tell me why you were so quiet today?"

"I told you this one was yours and I just wanted to watch." He smiled. "besides I helped. I got you coffee – twice."

"Crews…" she began in a warning tone.

"Today I was being selfish" he started. "Today I was totally present in the moment, of watching you, listening to you, looking at the way you tilted your head, the surprise or sympathy in your face, the sparkle or the darkness of your eyes. Today I took time to appreciate the tiny lines that form in the corners of you eyes when you truly smile, the way you jiggle your left leg when you are agitated or impatient. I watched the pencil that you play with and chew on while doing paperwork. I watched you breathe Dani. I watched you work. I examined you as if I was seeing you again for the first time." Charlie said holding her eyes.

Dani was speechless. Most men didn't even really listen to what she was saying, they were so focused on getting in her pants. Charlie Crews spent the entire day just observing….her. He was maddening, but impossible to be angry with.

"Okay… " she drew out the word like a question. "So? What did you learn?"

"Nothing" he said calmly. "Some times there is nothing to learn, only to appreciate."

"We aren't going to make a habit of this are we? Cause I need my partner Crews…" she cautiously continued.

"You have me always, Dani. Didn't you feel me there with you?" he asked gently, leaning forward with his elbows on his desk and his chin resting in his hands. "Didn't you feel me right beside you all day?"

She thought for a moment and simply looked at his clear green eyes. She had. All day long she'd felt his presence even when he didn't say a word or make a sound. He was a solidly there as a brick wall, but as transparent as a pain of glass. He was in the moment with her, but felt no need to speak. It made her smile just to think about it, but it also made her head hurt. "You're gonna have to go slow on the Zen, Crews. You've confused me."

"My words confuse you, but the feeling you understand." Charlie said. 'The mountain air sparkles as the sun sets. Birds in flocks return together. In these things there is a fundamental truth, but when I try to explain it, I lose the words." He said quietly looking directly into her dark brown eyes. "Do you understand?" he breathed.

"Yes" she did and it quietly amazed her.

The ringing of her cell phone broke the moment's reverie. She looked down and scowled, flipping the phone open. "Yes, Captain" she answered alerting Charlie it was Kevin Tidwell and at this Charlie scowled too.

"Yes, he did confess. Thanks, but it was a team effort" Charlie could only hear her side of the conversation. "You know what it's been a long couple days, how about I take a rain check on that? Okay then goodnight" and her phone snapped shut.

"So was Carl Ames in my dad's academy class…our dads' academy class too?" Dani asked.

All day long she worked the case, all day long he watched her, but all day long in the back of Reese's mind she was working another puzzle, his conspiracy wall, in her head from two days ago. Charlie was in awe, he loved this woman; her mind, her body and her soul. "Uh, I don't know… I didn't get that far the other night." He said sheepishly.

"Then let's go see this wall of yours then" Dani said and she actually winked at him as they climbed into the elevator.

"Can we talk about it when we have dinner?" he asked. "Cause I could use a good meal, Reese." He said with the energy of a twelve year old kid.

"Sure Charlie, dinner is a good idea." She grabbed her jacket as they got up to leave.


	11. Chapter 11 Out of the Closet

Out of the Closet

Dani stood in Charlie's monstrous closet, with her head cocked to the side, looking critically at the information arrayed before her. "I can't believe you have a murder board in your closet" she commented almost to herself. "How is it IA didn't find this when they searched your house after Ames' death?" she looked back at him.

Charlie was leaned up again the wall, examining her examining the wall, more than a little distracted by Dani in his closet. "Huh? Oh, Ted." He pronounced.

"Was I ever on this wall?" she asked returning her examination to the rust colored wall and the photos and data arrayed there.

"Ye…well, not really…kinda… no" he stammered through his emotions. He remembered the day Amanda Puryer gave him the photo of Reese on Rayborne's boat. It was the darkest day Charlie had since he got out of prison, darker than the day they took Ted back to prison. "There was a picture of you on Mickey Rayborne's boat the day before he died, for awhile I didn't know what it meant…." He trailed off.

"What did you decide it meant?" she asked again - looking back at him arching an eyebrow provocatively.

"I don't know, but I decided it doesn't matter. I decided to trust in my trust and to trust in you. I decided my faith in you is stronger than any photograph." He paused a moment then quoted her another Zen saying "suspicion in the mind make ghosts in the dark."

There was a long pause as they both considered what had been said and thought, before Charlie continued. "After I was convicted, after I was in prison, for awhile...I even thought maybe I did it. I guess it destroyed my confidence in my ability to know what I knew. I couldn't trust what I thought I knew." He confessed.

"I know that feeling" Dani said softly without looking back. "What changed your mind?" she wondered aloud.

"You" he said simply. "When I let myself trust in how I felt about you, a lot of my confidence returned. It's how I realized that I knew my friend, Tom. He wasn't laundering money. He was a good man and he didn't deserve what happened to him or his family. They were like family to me, Dani. I knew them, like I know you and I know that whatever put you in that picture, it doesn't matter."

"I was there trying to find my father Charlie" she told him.

"I don't need you to explain. I trust you." He said trying to stop her.

"I know, but we're partners and that means we don't keep secrets. My mother took my father's disappearance very hard, I was desperate to find him – for her. Mickey Rayborne used to come to the house when I was a kid. I know what a big shot he is now, I figured if anyone had the juice to find my dad - it was him." Dani explained.

"Did he help you? Did you find your father?" he rapid fired the questions.

"No" she said tersely. "He laughed at me, said I didn't know anything and never would" she said suddenly very far away.

"Hey" Charlie said wrapping her in his embrace, draping his body around hers in a gentle hug. "We'll find him."

"So you can put him in jail?" she asked sadly.

"I'm not after revenge, Dani. I seek only to understand. Why me? Why Tom Seybolt? Twelve years of my life, my wife, my family, my future. I just need to know why." His tone was laced with need.

"Roman said my father is dead. He said he killed him." Dani said biting her lip.

"Do you think he's dead?" Charlie turned her around to look into her eyes.

She thought hard about his question. "No. No I don't. I think he's too tough to kill. I think he's too stubborn to die."

"Like father, like daughter" Charlie said smiling with his eyes.

"How can you hate my father and love me?" She asked a deep probing question.

"You are not your father, Dani, any more than I am mine. Both our father's are bastards" he pulled her to his chest and rested his chin on her head.

"Yeah" she said quietly agreeing with him. At that moment the doorbell rang.

"That would be the take out." She stated the obvious.

"Is it really take out, if they bring it here? Isn't it only take out if we go there and get it? If they bring it here, isn't it bring in? or carried over?" he teased.

"Just go pay the man, I'm hungry." Dani said rolling her eyes at him and shoving him out of the closet.

"Hey, does this mean we are out of the closet?" he continued to joke with her on their way downstairs.

Charlie opened the door to a young man in his late teens or early twenties wearing an Ed Hurley t-shirt and stonewashed jeans. Only in LA were even the delivery boys rich. The boy looked past him into the massive, expensive house "Wow, this is some place" but the boy's mouth dropped open when he saw Dani. "Dude, your wife is hot" the boy whispered. Charlie smiled handed the boy a fifty and let him keep the tip.

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Dani sat on the couch, Charlie on the floor, sharing egg rolls and General Tao's chicken in companionable silence.

"So you think they partnered us together for a reason. It wasn't just coincidence?" Dani inquired thoughtfully.

Charlie finished chewing before taking a swig of his beer and answering "I think that it doesn't matter anymore. Whatever they intended is not what happened."

"I was supposed to set you up Crews. Davis pushed me hard to find something to use to leverage you out of the Department" Dani quietly confessed.

"I know" was all Charlie said.

"You know?" she looked at him incredulously "did you always know?"

"Yes, I always knew." He said plainly.

"Then why would you…? Never mind… I'm never going to get you Crews." There was a long pause but Dani decided she just couldn't let it go. "No. Why would you let them partner us if you knew I was supposed to help them take you out? Why would you do that, Crews?" Dani asked.

"At first I had no control over it. Then after what happened in that crack house, I knew you were struggling too. I think I recognized in you someone who had also been disappointed and betrayed, who life had dealt a bad hand to. But you didn't quit, you survived, you battled back, you were in a way….very much like me. Out of place in time, out of step with world and I thought we might be in the same moment, a different one than everyone else, but the same one as each other." He paused. "Does that make sense?" he inquired.

"Only if you speak Charlie Crews" she smiled back at him "which luckily I do".

"When I was at the Bureau, they tried again you know?" she continued.

Charlie was amazed at her intensity. Reese usually chose not to share, not to welcome anyone into her thoughts and motives, but once she decided to let him it is was as if she had flung open the doors and windows all at once. Charlie found his views of her were dazzling, amazing and varied – he was entranced.

"Hello, Earth to Crews…. Did you hear me?" she said running her hand through his hair to force him to look at her.

"I didn't know that" he said simply. "What did they want?"

"For me to come back to work, with you, for me to help them build a case against you, for me to help them take you down" she catalogued all the pitches the Bureau made to her.

"Take me down for what?" he asked curiously.

"They showed me pictures too, Charlie. Pictures of you with my father, you arguing with my father and they made me think…." She trailed off.

"Made you think I was why he left" he finished for her.

"Yeah" she said softly.

"Dani that's at least partially true. I dogged your father, I followed him, I harassed him, I wiretapped him and I told him to come in on his own terms before I used Kyle Hollis to bring him in" he said tersely.

"I know you told me" she said biting into an egg roll. "Can I have some of your beer?"

Charlie looked levelly at her, an unspoken conversation occurring between them in those moments. His eyes asked _can you handle this?_ Her's answered _yes, I don't need to get drunk with you_, and Charlie took a long slow draw off the bottle before handing it to her. Dani drank a bit and handed it back.

They were sharing everything now, it was so natural and so clear to her that this is how it always should have been and always could be. It was like that corny Tom Cruise movie with the "you complete me" line that she never really got until now. Now that movie made sense. Even when he drove her berserk, she loved him and it was not something she could control.

"You're not mad then?" Crews interrupted her thoughts.

She shrugged. "My dad's not one of the good guys, I told you that. And….I know you are not one of the bad guys, so…."

"So?" he left it there waiting for her to finish.

"I decided it didn't matter. I decided to trust in my trust in you." She smiled returning his words back to him. "I couldn't do it. After all you've been through, I couldn't be the one who betrayed you again and I didn't want to. When I came back, I wanted to come back to us." She smiled at the word.

"So you do think about us?" he smiled at her with a teasing tone in his voice.

"Yes, Crews as it turns out…I do." She handed him a fortune cookie wrapped in plastic. "Now open this and tell me your fortune" she said smiling.


	12. Chapter 12 Comparisons Light & Dark

Comparisons - Light and Dark

As the sunlight shone through the big east facing window in his bedroom, warming the bed, Charlie was reminded why he kept the room so cold - for the morning sun. Dani was restless in the heat and Charlie was torn between drawing the drapes to plunge them back into cool darkness and the fact he would have to leave the bed to do it. He could think of no where else on earth that he'd rather be than propped against the pillow of his California king with Dani Reese in his arms.

Charlie lay very still - deep in thought and consideration of the greatest dichotomy of his life – the two women he loved: Jennifer, his first wife, the only woman he ever thought he would love, but the one he'd lost; and Dani Reese, his surly partner turned lover, turned… what? Of this much he was certain, he loved his little raven-haired partner like no one else on earth. He wondered and puzzled over their differences while Dani slept fitfully draped across his chest.

Jennifer was light and airy, she was blonde and bubbly and full of smiles. Her light hazel eyes entranced him in high school and his chest filled like a balloon ready to burst when he saw her bounce across the street walking to school. She was ribbons and curls; every thing good and pure and he loved her with all his heart. She was bottled sunshine, perfect and fresh and new, his first and last love – or so Charlie thought. Jennifer's appearance said _trust me I won't hurt you_, but she did.

Jennifer broke his heart into million pieces. He felt his heart break again and again with her. It broke when she didn't believe him, it broke again when she stopped coming to visit, it shattered profoundly when she divorced him and again when she remarried. His heart broke into still smaller pieces with the birth of each of her two children as Charlie felt her slip farther and farther away, until it was just a wisp of a remembered dream. If he turned hard enough he could just catch a glimpse of them, like when you first woke in the morning and could still recall small bits of what you dreamt. His heart was so broken it was impossible for Charlie to imagine it would ever work again.

But then Charlie thought _sometimes you have experience heart break to learn how to properly love the person you are meant to? Maybe a new heart needs to be broken in to get comfortable with love, _he considered. _Maybe hearts were like shoes, new ones gave you blisters and made your feet hurt, old shoes were comfortable and felt like home. This love just fit. The shoe metaphor probably not something he'd share with Dani, _Crews thought. He imagined her face if he'd tried to explain how they were like broken in shoes and that was a good thing, and smiled.

He looked down at the woman in his arms. Dani Reese was dark and dangerous, she was surly, impatient, caustic and sometimes outright hostile. She had scowled nearly continuously for the entire first month he worked with her. Everything Dani did and said screamed "leave me alone" but he didn't, he couldn't. Her dark eyes and hair painted a picture of a woman hiding in the shadows, not someone he would have ordinarily given a second look. Dani was simply not his type, but then she was… Charlie was having a hard time figuring out when and how that happened, and how he had ever loved anyone else.

He closed his eyes to the bright sun. The room was so bright in the mornings he could still see light through his closed lids. Charlie imagined the night prior, replaying how she ended up in his bed and they'd spent their third night in a row together. It was becoming something beyond them both, it included them, but Charlie was beginning to feel he simply might not be able to breath or function without her there. It was out of control, wild and sometimes frightening, how quickly and completely he'd become attached to Dani Reese.

After the Chinese take out and another look at his conspiracy wall, Dani yawned and it was decided it was late and she would be leaving. He really meant to let her go, but as he walked her to the door his hands captured her waist pulling her close. He laid kisses into her unruly hair and down her neck, nuzzling the soft skin there. Dani turned in his arms to kiss him goodnight.

Charlie's kiss was long, slow, deep and wet, it was filled with the regret he felt over her leaving and she returned the same emotion. His hands slid from her waist, to her ass, as he slid three fingers from each hand into the back pockets of her jeans pulling her closer. He kissed her like he might never see her again. When they broke apart, they were both breathless and emotional, resting his forehead against hers, he withdrew his hands from her pockets and captured her tiny hands against his chest. It was almost involuntary when he breathed the word "stay" as a plea to Dani.

She looked up and something broke in Charlie's heart at the look and vulnerability in her dark eyes. She sighed, but Charlie didn't know what they meant. Was that a _don't put me in this position_ sigh? Was it a _I want to stay but I can't_ sigh? Was it a _I need to go home and sleep in my own bed and I don't want to do this now_ sigh? He had gone as far as he was willing to and stood there waiting for her to close the distance.

Then Dani side stepped him taking him by the hand and silently led him upstairs back to his darkened bedroom. Again he was content to just sleep with her, to hold her; but Dani had other plans. "Jesus, why is it so cold in here?" she said once they were in bed. She was laying along side him, dressed in the expensive tailored shirt he wore to work that day, her head on his shoulder and an arm across his chest.

"You'll see in the morning, but I can see if I can warm things up for you" he said with his voice an octave lower than he intended. She did things to him that were completely beyond his ability to control or appreciate, but he noticed the deep tone and huskiness in his voice excited her because he could feel her whole body tense at his offer.

He really intended to just sleep, it was an honest intent, but one his body paid no mind to whatsoever. His hands caressed Dani's forearms as he commented on her choice of apparel. "That shirt looks better on you than it does on me".

Dani smiled against his chest and planted small kisses there. She murmured a response… "You look best in your blue suit, it's crazy the way women look at you in that suit".

"Women look at me?" he asked trying to play surprised. "But not nearly as much as men look at you, undress you – there's been a couple guys so blatant about it - that I had the overwhelming urge to slap them." His warm hands traveled to her thighs and Dani shifted, sliding a leg between his. He could feel her smooth tanned leg, bend at the knee and begin sliding upwards over his groin. She was going to kill him, he was certain of it.

"I'm used to it Crews" she shrugged.

"Doesn't mean I have to like it…" he growled "Reese, I thought you were tired".

"Yeah, well…now that I'm warmed up it seems like a shame to waste it" she whispered into his ear as she shifted again, placing her pelvis tantalizing close to his. Charlie's hands gravitated to her hips to position her atop him. He was still amazed at how light she was and that he could be this close to something and someone he wanted for so long and in some many ways and not wake up to find himself dreaming.

"Do you think it's even possible for us not to sleep together anymore?" he asked her while capturing her face in both hands and kissing her thoroughly. At this Dani stilled.

"What?" she said.

"I said…" he started, but she put her hand over his mouth again.

"I heard what you said, Charlie. It's just…" She trailed off as she sat thinking about it. Contemplative was not a posture that he would have ever imagined on Dani's face while she sat straddling him in his bed.

"Dani" he mumbled through her fingers. "it wasn't meant to be that kind of a question? You know me…talking is what I do."

"Yes, Charlie, but whenever you talk, no matter how much or how little you say there is always something you are trying to ask….what I'm wondering is… is this "that" that?"

"Now you sound like me" he complained softly, earning him a smile.

This smile however, was different though than any other Dani displayed to him before. It was from somewhere deep behind her eyes and shone through them. Her dark eyes twinkled and her lips drew back, but not far enough to show her teeth. This was not flashy smile, not a smirk or a grin, no waggling eyebrows accompanied it either. It reminded him of the ones on the faces of sleeping children, peaceful and content. This smile was the first of it's kind Charlie had ever seen from Dani and he wanted more of it. He wanted to know what he did to earn it and how to do it more often.

"No" she said simply and softly, before sweeping her hair back with one hand and bending to kiss him again. The kiss was wonderful, sweet and gentle, until her tongue requested entrance and she began to plunge it into his mouth with abandoned. Charlie wound his arms around and up her back to pull her impossibly close but the word "no" kept niggling at the back of his brain.

They were on fire, his blood screamed and boiled, she was so small and slick with sweat now, they both were. He rolled them over so that she was on her back and looked at her. "No?" he questioned breathlessly.

She smiled knowingly, wrapped her calves around his legs and digging her toes in to urge him closer. "No?" he repeated again as a question. Charlie was lost? Did she not want him? Because he was pretty sure she did and if she didn't - he might have to kill her for getting him this worked up.

Dani reached up and put one small hand behind his neck, running her fingers into the sweat soaked hair there. She pulled hard and brought him to her, before answering clearly, quietly and unequivocally "No, Charlie I don't think it's possible for us not to sleep together anymore."

She waited for the comment to penetrate his sex soaked brain and limbic region "Now quit screwing around. Stop thinking Crews and be here with me" she said in her most sultry tone. Charlie was certain he might die happy if god took him right then, but she reached down grabbed a hold of him, Charlie thought he saw stars. However, when Dani growled "Crews, focus" he didn't wait and he didn't disappoint.

Charlie sank himself into her and set a punishing rhythm, which Dani seemed to truly enjoy. She grabbed fistfuls of his sheets and when he leaned closer, over her shoulder, she sank her teeth into the tender flesh between his shoulder blade and neck, hard. He answered back be redoubling his effort and wrapping his arms under her slim waist lifting her off the bed slightly and improving his angle of attack. She arched her back and her eyes rolled back, Charlie barely contained himself knowing she was that close. He felt her release quiver through her body and the sensation was too much for him as he felt her pull him into the abyss with her. Then all was dark and quiet and he could remember no more.


	13. Chapter 13 Family Ties

It was their weekend. That's not to say it was a Saturday or Sunday because as detectives their days off rotated. Charlie really couldn't remember what day it was precisely because the only days that really dragged were the ones where he was separated from Dani Reese and that hadn't happened all week, but Charlie had a sense it was maybe a Saturday.

He drove Dani to her place after a breakfast of orange juice and bananas for him and coffee for her. No matter how much he offered, she would not take juice from him, but while he was gathering his things to leave, he spied her drinking some of his OJ, while she thought he wasn't looking. Charlie swore he'd turn Reese onto the pleasures of good fruit if it was the last thing he did.

"Good OJ huh?" he remarked as they climbed into the Maserati.

His comment was so light and non-threatening; Dani answered honestly without thinking "yeah" and then winced at her admission. Charlie grinned at her over the rim of his sunglasses. Dani for her part just glared back.

"Reese – it's okay if you liked the orange juice. Doesn't mean you are weird or anything? I could even get you your own glass next time." He played with her only soliciting a darker look "and you don't scare me anymore Detective Reese" he teased.

"Just drive the damned car, Charlie" she pouted.

Charlie's morning was getting better and better, he thought to himself. Although driving had its drawback, because he couldn't continue his usual unobstructed examination of his partner, like he normally did.

Pretending to be sullen and withdrawn, Dani was largely silent, which was normal, but without the car to drive, she instead turned to careful examination of her partner, both at work and home - of late. His jaw was angular and features clean. A smattering of freckles graced his brow and cheeks and tiny lines protruded from the corner of his eyes, hidden from the sun's morning glare by Crews' trademark tortoiseshell shades with the strange orangish lens that seemed suit him uniquely; his choice in eyewear as unique as Charlie himself.

Charlie was an excellent driver, putting the little Italian sports car through its paces, decelerating into corners, aiming of for the apex and accelerating out of them at punishing speeds. It was a shame she never let him drive, because he obviously enjoyed the car. _Maybe that was changing too _she thought.

Dani watched impressed as Charlie gripped the wheel lightly and often with only one hand, as he expertly steered the fast little car through the turns and switchbacks in the canyons, choosing the scenic route to her house. The reds and golds in Charlie's hair and eyebrows glittered in the morning sun. Even the light layer of reddish hairs on his knuckles shone in the light that littered the car as they drove the long stretch of traffic less asphalt that morning. Must be a weekend she thought absently, no traffic.

As they pulled to the curb in front of her house, their morning suddenly turned dark, because there on the stoop of her house, sat Kevin Tidwell and it was obvious he'd been there all night.

"You better wait here" Dani said tersely sitting up as they pulled to a stop.

"Uh-huh" Charlie agreed, but unhappily let her go alone to the door of her house.

"You didn't come home last night" Tidwell remarked stating the obvious as Dani walked up the sidewalk to the house. "Same clothes as yesterday too" he said sadly.

"Kevin" Dani started, but stopped as he dropped his head and held up his hand.

"Just tell me the truth, were you with him?" he nodded across the street to where Crews sat watching them. "He's watching, but he's trying to look like he's not watching - ya know? And I know that look, cause when a man has you - he's always watching - - the competition, Dani."

She said nothing. There was nothing to say. No excuses, no explanations, it was all right there. She was with Crews, she had been with Crews before he'd interrupted them – she saw Tidwell now for what he was a distraction – pleasant, non-threatening and good for her – but it had been them from the start – Crews and Reese. They belonged together.

"Do you love him?" Tidwell asked looking up at her from the stoop.

"Captain, I think you should go." Dani held out a hand to help him up. He took it and rose from the curb and stepped into her space, holding her close.

Crews cracked the door of the car, holding back was killing him.

"Dani, just tell me you love him…" Kevin said softly just for her.

She looked him in the eye and smiled. "Crews and I, we just….we belong together….and yes." She paused, squinted and bit her lip. "Kevin, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to…"

"I know you didn't, baby." He leaned forward and kissed her forehead. "I gotta go, before Crews and I have to fight over you." He remarked wryly.

Tidwell put on his own shades and took the long walk to the sidewalk where his own car was parked. The whole way he kept his head down, knowing Crews' eyes were on him. He didn't want to fight with the man, but they both knew Dani was worth exchanging blows over and both were eager to show what she meant to them.

But in the end, Kevin Tidwell bowed to the inevitable. Crews and Reese were partners on many more levels than in the squad room and bringing this into the station would not help any of them. Tidwell promised himself Charlie Crews was going to spend some time behind closed doors in his Captain's office with the topic of discussion his tough, young partner, but that would come later.

After Tidwell pulled away, Charlie left the car and followed Dani into her house. She was silent, but efficiently slamming things around and he was at a loss for words. Neither of them liked what had just occurred, but they both knew it was necessary. It just sucked that sometimes to find love - it meant someone else got burned.

She didn't want to talk about it -- but then Dani never wanted to talk about it.

They settled for her grabbing a change of clothes and heading back to his house to take another crack at the conspiracy wall. Mission focused Dani was largely silent on the ride back, but when Charlie reached across the divide to take her hand, she smiled slightly and held onto him the entire ride home.

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"Jimmy Dunn died when?" Dani quizzed him for facts that weren't as familiar to her, but she was ramping up on the details fast, Charlie thought. He was constantly and consistently amazed at his young partner's mental flexibility and acuity.

"Crews" she snapped at him. "Dunn died when?"

"Uh… 1988…" he said. Dani just offered a non-committal grunt, which Charlie knew meant something he just didn't know what.

She stood with her hands on her hips head cocked to the side and Charlie was resisting the impulse to step into her space and put his hands on top of hers. Ultimately, he failed in his effort to resist, stepping behind her and softly questioning "are you gonna be mad at me all day for something I didn't do?"

He could feel the tension in her body and in the past Dani Reese would have bolted. But something had shifted in their relationship and this time, she simply sighed heavily and dropped her head to her chest. "Crews…." She said in a voice resigned to an argument.

"Ssshh" he whispered into her hair. "Just breathe, Dani"

"He's not a bad guy you know" she said sadly. "I even thought for awhile he was 'the' guy, but he wasn't and that's not his fault".

"I know" was all Charlie said. They stood there still for several long moments, he stepped close so Dani could feel his breath enter and leave his chest. He concentrated on controlling his breath, passing his calm to her through the air and space between them.

"I know what you're doing Charlie" she told him.

"Is it working?" he asked just above a whisper as he ran his palms down her bare arms.

"Yes." She admitted, but he could tell she wasn't happy about it. "Things are changing aren't they? I mean things between us?"

"Do you want things to stay the same? Or do you want them to change?" He asked in her ear.

"You do things to me Charlie. Things I like, but things I don't really understand" she admitted. "I'm not all that good with change, Crews. I tend to have….setbacks" she warned.

"Hey…" he said turning her around to face him "no setbacks, this isn't worth it if it hurts you." He offered. Dani's upturned eyes showed turmoil and confusion. "Reese, I'm not gonna walk back from how I feel about you, but a relationship you have to keep secret is not one that you should be in."

"Who are we talking about now, Crews? You or Tidwell?" she said angrily.

"Both" he said flatly. "I'll quit if I have to. I don't need the money" he stuck his chin out there and dared her to hit him in proverbial glass jaw.

"Thought you said being a cop was what kept you going all those years in prison?" she threatened. Charlie knew this game, Dani was scared and she was playing chicken with him. Itching to fight, she wanted to goad him into walking away.

"Thought you said you thought that was a bunch of crap?" he taunted back.

"Are we going to fight about this?" she said. "Are we really going to fight about this?"

"Do you want to fight, Dani? Do you need to hit something? Hit me…" Charlie said a tinge of anger biting into his voice. Then softly he added "just don't walk away from this. This is real, Dani. I love you".

Dani squeezed her eyes shut trying to hold out his words or hold in her tears, Charlie couldn't tell which and he held his breath while she was trying to decide. He felt like his whole world was balanced on the edge of knife blade. She reached for him and put her hand on his chest just over his heart, which was hammering madly. "I don't want to hit you, Charlie" she said dropping her head to her hand on his chest.

He held her gently and told her again. "I love you so god damned much Dani"

"I know" she murmured against the fabric of his shirt "sometimes it's just overwhelming".

"Yeah, well, you think it's bad for you – just think about how I feel" he joked softly.

Charlie knew he probably told her he loved her too much, but he honestly felt like Dani had not been told that enough in her life. She needed to hear it as many times as it took for it to sink deep into that thick skull, permeate her soul and that stubborn psyche of hers. Enough times for her to believe she was worthy of love and that it didn't come hand in hand with heartache. Charlie could do that, he thought. He was a patient man, a patience earned and learned from all those long years alone.

Hours and days and months and years of accumulated introspection could now benefit someone else – someone the world had broken and taken that gift from. Wonder, belief, joy, these were things you had to allow to happen, they could not be forced. Innocence had been taken from them both and this once lost could not be replaced. Cynicism lived in their hearts now, making other more subtle gifts harder to see, but the capacity to love and be loved in return remained. Charlie knew that until you feel that you are worthy of love, until you let yourself believe it and accept it, you can never truly love anyone else. For Reese this would take time, but time Charlie had in abundance and she was worth every minute of it.

**When your bow is broken and your last arrow spent then shoot – shoot with your whole heart. --- Zen saying**

*******************************************************************************************************************

"Reese?" he spoke her name as a question and peered down at her from their position on the couch. They sat thighs touching, but not linked like earlier in the day. She was deep in thought concentrating on the conundrum that had confounded him for weeks. He had looked at it and listened to it so many times he could no longer see or hear the newness in it, but Reese could.

"Play it again" Dani demanded a deep scowl on her face.

Charlie replayed the digital recording of the man threatening her father, for about the 47th time. Not that he minded, when the recording was new to him, he could not hear it enough times. "Not for nothing Jack, there were six, there are five, it could just as easily be four".

It was a clear threat and Jack Reese's reaction of pounding his steering wheel and shouting at the sky, caused his daughter blush for some reason unclear to Charlie, but one he wasn't quite ready to ask about – not just yet. Charlie filed that one in the back of the brain for another time.

_Nope,_ he thought, _definitely not asking her anything when her eyebrows are creased that tight and she's concentrating that hard._

"It's not Dunn. He's not one of the six." Dani stated unequivocally.

"How do you figure?" Charlie asked perplexed that she so rapid and succinctly excluded Dunn from his six figure boxes on the wall. He was certain based on the Academy photo Dunn was the missing one of the six.

"Dunn died in 1988, Bank of LA happens in 1991, but this conversation refers to someone who just died, I think. Maybe Carl Ames?" she posited the new view to him.

"Huh…" was all Charlie could manage as the gears in his brain began to process the new information. It did not jive with his theory, but Reese was never to be discounted – her mind worked differently than his, she saw things from another perspective and it was one of the many things that made them such an effective team. The other thing that made them so effective was their collective lack of ego, neither of them so entrenched in their singular view that they did not allow for their own error or fail to appreciate the other's opinion.

Dani watched him as he thought, after this long she could tell when he was doing it. He stood very still, eyes unfocused, open but unseeing, like he had dropped a curtain and the rest of the world just disappeared. His breathing still even, his head would sometimes incline slightly or he would almost imperceptibly shake it as he sorted through data and included or excluded things, building and refining connections.

When he again returned to the world and his eyes focused on her there was a clearness there and appreciation for her input that he never had to verbalize, it was in his eyes that smiled at her. Softly she said. "Play it again, Charlie". And he did.

"And you don't know who's in the car with him?" She asked with her eyes closed listening again.

Charlie had to smile. Dani Reese was not what you'd call "welcoming of Zen enlightenment", but when she found a tool that worked for her - she used the hell out of it. Just as she had in Trosky's house, Dani was clearing her mind of all thoughts and just listening, Charlie decided to join his fiercely, focused, diminutive partner with his fresh perspective and perhaps he would find something new too. Charlie closed his eyes and replayed the recording again. In the back of his mind a flicker of recognition fired. He played it again, the flicker fired again. They were both intent on the recording like it held the meaning of life, but the realization hit Charlie like a bolt of lightening.

He paled and swallowed so audibly, Dani blinked her eyes open and focused on him. "What is it?"

"I think I know who that is… but how could I not have recognized it… I don't understand…if it's been there all the time then why didn't I hear it? Unless I didn't want to hear it. I mean of course I wanted to hear it, but on some level I wasn't ready to hear it, acknowledge it, but that makes no sense because I have no allegiance to him, I hate him, so why would it bother me to hear it…. Or bother me enough that I would not know right away who it is, unless I didn't want to know…"

"Crews" Dani barked interrupting his internal dialogue spoken out loud, which by now was normal to her, but still infuriating when she didn't know what he was debating with himself. "Who is it?"

Charlie turned in to face her and across his face passed a range of emotions from shock to horror ending in fear as he spoke the words that would turn both their lives on edge. "I think it's my father".

"What?" she said.

In what was becoming a thing with the two of them, Charlie began to repeat himself and she placed her hand over his mouth, stating softly "I heard you, Charlie…"

The contact of her hand with his mouth and face was what they both needed to break the hypnotic spell of his disclosure. What followed was a stream of consciousness in which it seemed they both were plugged into the same information outlet able to finish the other's sentences because their thoughts followed a parallel course.

"So if that's your father and my father then…." Dani began

"They've known each other since the academy and this….." Charlie continued

"Didn't begin or end with the Bank of Los Angeles in 1991" Dani finished. "They've been in bed together since"

"Before either of us were born" Charlie surmised "and yet despite their almost lifelong connection"

"They'll take each other out if it gets too close to home" Dani finished. Both fell silent at the revelation and the impact it had on their family's ties.

"Everything is connected" she said softly, almost to herself. "Yeah" Charlie echoed, "Everything is connected."


	14. Chapter 14 Toys & Games & Mazes

_Author's Note: This is the first long fic I've ever attempted and as some readers pointed out I may be rehashing some old ground on the conspiracy- primarily because it's new to Dani and I need to refamiliarize myself with it. Please be patient as I work through where I'm going next - it's harder than I had imagined, but what's life without some challenges right. Sometimes for every step forward you take, you end up being knocked back two - both in life and love. _

**Toys, Games and Mazes….**

"I thought you said my father didn't have anything to do with this" Dani scrutinized him intensely.

"Did I say that?" Charlie purposely playing mildly ignorant.

"Don't even try that with me, Crews. You know damned good and well what I'm talking about. After you were shot…actually before you were shot, we had a conversation about this and I asked you to tell me the truth." She was getting steadily more annoyed by the minute.

"You asked me if your father had anything to do with me going to jail for twelve years," Charlie countered tersely "And you didn't ask, you demanded as I recall it."

"Yeah, and you said "no, he didn't". Did you lie to me Charlie?" He could see the conflict and anger glittering behind her dark eyes. She didn't want to believe he would lie to her, it would backtrack the delicate trust they were building. Charlie scrambled to save it.

Knowing he had to be careful Charlie spoke quietly "I didn't lie to you. I just didn't tell you all the truth. I don't believe your father framed me for those murders. He took care of Rachel afterwards, he felt guilty…but I never said he was a good cop, Reese."

She nodded considering his omission and continued to evaluate him silently. _That's why Rachel Seybolt looks so familiar to me, I've met her before,_ Dani thought to herself, but since she wasn't sure she wasn't pissed at Crews, she did not voice this impression aloud. She continued to eye her partner and lover, clinically, dangerously close to dropping those walls she effectively used to shut out the rest of the world.

Charlie knew he was on thin ice, but he continued, knowing that the more she knew - the closer they would be to understanding what connected them and had since before they even met. "Your father - Jack Reese, my father - Charles Crews, Carl Ames, James Dunn, Mickey Raybourn all from the same LAPD Academy Class" Charlie said animatedly pointing them out in the photos and on the wall. Reese stood with her arms crossed, still clearly annoyed with him but playing along for the moment. Charlie knew he had to work fast.

"Dunn commits suicide in 1988, but the Bank of LA robbery - where $18 million dollars turns up missing - doesn't happen until 1991" Charlie started and Dani finished his thought and sentence for him.

"So what were they into that cause Jimmy Dunn to eat his pistol in 1988?" Dani asks aloud. Charlie smiled at the synchronicity of their thoughts, although edgy and still unsure, Dani was a rock solid cop and he could always rely on her instincts.

"What happens to make him eat his pistol in 1988?" Crew repeats softly.

"I just said that" Dani says annoyed.

"I know but it's a good question." Charlie smiled at her, before continuing.

"Eighteen millions dollars split six ways is three million each. But the year after the Bank of LA robbery, Blessed Sisters – your father's charity that he gave $250 a year to every year, gets a four million dollar anonymous donation."

"Wait, how do you know what charity my father gives to?" Dani asked as she narrowed her eyes again. She began to jiggle her left leg nervously as she did during their interviews when her mind was three steps ahead of him and she was forcing herself to wait for him or right before they serve a warrant and she was edgy, nervous or anxious. Charlie paid particular attention to every non-verbal Reese was sending, because at the moment her eyes and face told him nothing.

"Oh…Ted….something to do with finances, Ted does that part…." Charlie admitted. "But Ted also says people only donate that kind of money for a tax advantage and they can't take the deduction unless they sign their name to the check" Charlie continued pointedly.

"Unless – they feel guilty and just give the money away, right?" Dani wondered aloud. Her father feeling guilty was not an emotion Dani could reconcile with her recollection of the man. Smug, arrogant, cocky, self-assured, mean, but not guilty, not the man she knew.

"Exactly. Rayborn says your old man never kept a penny. A four million dollar anonymous donation to Blessed Sisters fits."

"If you can believe anything Rayborn says" Dani said skeptically.

Charlie continued undeterred by her skepticism "So by 1991, the six is down to five making their share of 18 million more but not four, only maybe three and change…like I said Ted does the math, but then if the 4 million to Blessed Sisters comes from your dad, where does he get the rest?"

"Well, it didn't come from our house, we were eating macaroni and cheese and beanie weanies most of that time" Dani recalled. "It was tough then, I remember them then, my parents fighting almost every night and always about money."

"Why do you fight about money if you have three or four million dollars?" Charlie asked the question to no one in particular and perhaps the universe at large.

"Why do you fight about money if you have three or four million dollars?" Dani absently repeated his question. Charlie arched his eyebrows at her resulting in a silent repeat of his "it's a good question" comment from earlier. Dani grinned at this and he was almost out of the woods, Charlie thought.

"We have to find my father, Crews." Dani said. "We have to find him and make him talk."

"Finding him may prove to be the easy part, honey. Jack Reese isn't going to tell me anything. We've been down that road, the day we arrested Hollis. I tried to convince him to come in, to make things right with you, to cut a deal and he wouldn't go for it."

"Wait, you offered to let him cut a deal after what he did to you?" Dani asked him incredulous.

"He's your father. I couldn't do that to you, even then, you were…are… my partner. Trust me it wasn't for him, it was for you." Charlie said darkly.

"Charlie, exactly how long have you felt this way about me?" Dani asked a cutting question. She pinned him with a look and Charlie had never felt more trapped and vulnerable in his life.

"Uh…what?" he said stalling for time, reeling at the implication of having to tell her how long ago he'd begun to realize that he liked his partner more than a guy was supposed to.

"You heard me and don't think for a second that I don't know what's going on in the head of yours, Crews. I know you and I know you don't want to tell me, but you're gonna tell me Charlie. How long?" she was on him like a perp on the other side of the table, in the interview room.

His small female partner could intimidate the hell out of just about anyone if she set her mind to it and her mind was locked in concrete right now and Charlie knew it.

"Do you have to know? Really Reese does it matter now? I mean we're past that moment now, can't we just be here now?" he began to whine and could hear himself doing it. He'd lost and he knew it, he would tell her anything she wanted to know… resistance against her was futile, but he still tried to save some small measure of his self-respect.

"Yes, Charlie I have to know. Now tell me." She said solidly but softer.

"What was the question again?" he played dumb.

Two could play at this game, Dani concluded and she walked to stand directly under him, forcing him to look down at her. The light from the overhead cast his features in shadow and her eyes were bright, sparkling and warm as she looked up at him. Her eyes pulled him in as she whispered to him "How long have you been having impure thoughts about your partner, Detective Crews?"

At the use of the word "impure", Charlie's mind flashed to a Catholic confessional and images of Dani in a schoolgirl outfit sprang unbidden to his mind. His closet felt all of a sudden a bit like an oven on broil. Dani knew what she was doing though and she kept him focused on her as she whet her lips and bit the bottom one subconsciously. Charlie's attention now entirely on her lips as he leaned into kiss her.

"How long, Charlie?" she stopped him with a slight touch in the middle of his chest. He was so close he could taste her. Charlie could breathe the air as it left her lips and hung between them. "I can't remember" he lied.

"That's bullshit and you know it" she said and pushed him away.

"Why is it so important for you to know?" he said softly as he stepped back to her. "I just wanna know why you need to know and then I'll tell you."

This was the same game he'd played with Roman. Tell me why it's important so I can understand the context and learn something about you, but Roman would not bite. Dani seemed to consider his proposal for a long moment before very quietly responding in a voice that sounded almost frightened to him, making Charlie instantly regret having toyed with her.

"I need to know if I felt this then too. I think I went to Tidwell, because I couldn't handle the feelings I was having for you and I needed somewhere else to be, someone else to be with" she said with shocking honesty. Dani Reese never ceased to amaze him, she had a depth that he had not begun to explore or appreciate and Charlie knew he wanted to spend the rest of his life exploring all the wonderful hidden secrets of her nature.

He released a heavy sigh and ran his hands through his hair knowing this would be embarrassing but was critical to their continued trust and confidence in each other. He also knew he had to begin at the beginning because she would know immediately if he lied or omitted something.

"Okay" he relented, sitting back against the shelf and semi-disappearing amongst his many suits. "I guess the first time I noticed how attractive you were physically was that day in the crack house in the shower. You dressed pretty boyishly when we first started work, but that day in the shower… there was no question you were all woman." He gulped and kept his eyes on his shoes. She said nothing and he chanced a glance up but her expression was indiscernible, the Reese of old, impossible for him to read. She was measuring him, evaluating him and he knew it.

Now came the hard part, Charlie took a deep breath and continued "the first time I realized that I thought about you far differently than any of my other partners, like Stark for instance was when we first met Roman. When I went into that bar, Ritual, to get picked up, I was supposed to be concentrating on the girl, but once you walked in I couldn't really stop watching you. Maybe that's why she made us both as cops" he shrugged.

"Crews" Dani started, but Charlie held a hand up "no let me finish because if I don't admit it now I never will." Dani stepped back signaling for him to continue.

"Do you remember that stunt that Roman pulled in the interview room? Of course, you do. The way he taunted and toyed with you? I wanted to kill him right there, on camera and I didn't care who watched or who saw. I wanted him dead for the way he made you feel. I knew then that I was in over my head with you. I tried to tell you in the car, when I asked you if you felt like shooting him. Do you remember what I asked you?" Charlie said looking up.

She nodded "you wanted to know if I felt like shooting him" Dani remembered the day and conversation with crystal clarity. "I said I did and you asked if I saw myself doing it and I said I did."

"And I told you I did too." Charlie said. "What I didn't tell you was that I wanted Roman dead not for what he said about me, but for what he said to you, for how he made you feel, for causing you even the tiniest bit of discomfort. I never wanted to kill someone so badly in my entire life." Charlie admitted.

His admission was heart breaking. Charlie looked up at Dani to find her silently crying. Tears escaped the corners of her eyes and rolled down her face and off her chin. She stood there looking directly at him; though her tears were so strong she really couldn't see him just his shape.

He pushed himself forward standing straight and stiff as finished his confession, his eyes focused straight ahead over Dani's head at the wall behind her as he let it all out "I knew then I should ask for a new partner, that it wasn't right to feel that strongly for you, but I couldn't trust anyone else to watch your back to protect you, so I stayed and I stayed away as best I could. I was almost relieved when you started seeing Tidwell, you seemed happy and I was happy for you, but…."

"Charlie….stop" she spoke his name through her tears as she fiercely wiped them away, ashamed to cry so freely in front of him. "Ok, just stop…"

"You said you wanted to know… so now you know…." He approached and lifted her chin to look at her. "I've loved you for nearly the whole time I've known you, it feels like I never have or could love anyone else."

She collapsed into his arms and held him so tightly Charlie was certain no amount of breathing could calm her. So he spoke to her from his heart and with Zen "no more words – hear only the voice within, if that doesn't convince you then nothing I say will." He kissed her on the top of her head, stood her upright and stepped away from her.

This choice would be Dani's and her's alone, but Charlie knew it was choice she was ready for. He understood that trust is a choice you make, you cannot however, choose who you love. Love is something decided for us, outside of us, we can either fight it or surrender to it. Charlie fought for a long time before realizing he could not defeat the strength of his attachment to Dani Reese, but sometimes love is not the same for everyone, Dani had yet to tell him clearly without guile or jest that she felt the same way for him. Perhaps she could not, because she did not. Charlie prayed he was wrong.


	15. Chapter 15 Spin Control

Spin Control

Charlie walked downstairs to his kitchen and leaned heavily against the marble island and the tension rolled off him in waves. There was a reason attachment was said to cause suffering and it this was it - control or the lack of it. He knew control was an illusion, he knew that she might not feel what he did. He also knew what Dani would do; when pressed, she ran, literally and metaphorically. He knew this talk would come, he just wasn't ready for it so soon, but then Dani was so intense he should have expected it. Charlie just hoped that by walking away, giving her space, she wouldn't feel the need to run this time. But he listened hard for the throaty growl of the Maserati, which sat in the drive, just in case. As he stood there trying to calm himself, he listened for the noises in his fears.... the scrape of the keys and snagged them on the way out the door, the slam of the door and the finality it could mean for them.

He willed himself to relax, to focus on the tight muscles in his neck, shoulders and back. His arms still gripped the marble countertop tightly and he swore under his breath. Was this worth losing her? Did knowing really fix anything? It couldn't change the past, what was lost - was already gone. Did his desire to know the why of everything doom him to rip apart anything good in his life, looking for what was behind it. Why did he always feel like he had to know things? Why risk everything for something he could never change? Where was his Zen now? He who is content with nothing, possesses all things. There. Zen, but hollow because he could no longer be content with nothing, Charlie wanted Dani and he wanted her with an intensity that terrified them both.

Dani was spinning out of control. Charlie had just walked away from her. She immediately felt unbalanced. Her world wobbled unsteadily – Charlie Crews walked away from her. Crews whom she counted on to always be there, to underwrite her panic and anger, to live with her moods and tolerate her distrust. He'd walked away and Dani swore she'd never felt more alone in her life. If she closed her eyes, she could still feel his warmth, his strength, his stability, the calm quietness he leant her and she opened her eyes and looked at the murder board – a series of photos and comments arrayed on a rust colored wall. Their collective past, their connections, reduced to magic marker and boxes on a wall. But that was not who they were, Dani and Charlie were something apart, different – they may have started there together, but things were different now – they were different. Dani Reese no longer knew who she was without Charlie Crews.

She looked around to where she was standing - inside his monstrous closet, which was bigger than her first apartment, inside the largest house she'd ever been in and she felt like the walls were closing in on her. She wanted to run, she always wanted to run, but no amount of space or distance was going to fix what was wrong this time. It would follow her, haunt her and dog her until she dealt with it – dealt with him - her feelings for and about her partner, her lover – Charlie Crews. The man she knew everything she needed to know about; but the man she knew nothing about.

Dani left the closet and crept quietly through Charlie's home hoping to glean some thing from what was there that would give her the answers she needed, but Charlie's home was uncluttered. It spoke nothing of the man, like he had simply sprung to life fully formed the day he left Pelican Bay. There were no photos, no mementos of his life before. It was like that person had been erased, wiped clean and no trace of him remained.

She opened the door to a massive study with tall chestnut wooden shelves built into the wall surrounding a huge plasma television. At least he had that in common with other men, when it came to plasma, big was always better, she though wryly. But other men would have football or baseball regalia displayed – their favorite team emblazoned on a pennant or a blanket, but only a sepia leather couch occupied the room. It spoke nothing of the owner, nothing of Charlie. The orange and chestnut shades reminded her of him, but there was nothing of Charlie here.

Her eyes were drawn to the only other furnishing in the room and crystal decanter with a rich amber colored liquid in it and two highball crystal glasses. Dani uncapped the top and took a long whiff of the smoky flavor of good scotch. It was the same one Crews was drinking the night he'd come to her house. The night she'd tasted it on him. She could still feel his hands on her. Why her? Why them?

Dani carefully poured the scotch into one of the highballs and rolled it around the glass, watching the legs of the liquor making opaque patterns on the sides of the expensive glass. Scotch her Achilles heel, why did it have to be his drink too? _Figures, every single thing about Crews seemed lifted from behind her high walled off world, like he climbed inside her head at night and explored there, _she thought. She lifted the glass, giving in to her instincts. Running away didn't always have to be literal, this worked too. This made you forget, forget who you were, where you came from, where you were going, it made you forgot a lot of things.

She took the glass and sank into the leather couch, tipping her head back Dani felt the familiar burning feeling from as the rich, smoky, aged scotch slipped down her throat. She heard the roaring sound in her ears and tears again came because she found the liquor was hollow - it was even the same color as him, but it wasn't him. She didn't want to run away from him, she wanted to run to him and it scared the hell out of Dani.

She sat the glass on the coffee table in front of her. The amber liquid sat there still mocking her. She pushed it further away, knowing that in this instance even her usual vices would not permit escape. There was nowhere to go that Charlie did not go with her, Dani realized. He was there all the time, in her mind and deep within her heart.

And then he was there, standing in the doorframe, silently like a cat he slipped through the mansion in search of her. Charlie looking from her to the glass with a great sadness in his eyes and face. "Honey, don't do this. I'm not worth it. No one is worth doing that to yourself."

In that instant, she loved him more than she thought possible. When faced with the consequence of losing what he clearly wanted, Charlie was more concerned for her than himself.

"I don't want it." She sighed and after a beat continued "I thought I wanted it, but it's not what I want. It doesn't help me."

"It doesn't help anyone, Dani. I shouldn't keep it in the house. It only serves as a way for me to….." he couldn't finish.

"Escape" she told him. "Yeah" he said quietly.

"Would you come in here?" she invited.

Charlie did, but moved to sit far away from her on the couch. "I'm not going to bite you, Crews" she said trying to lighten his mood. But Charlie was tense and anxious and did not even crack a smile at her attempt. He did however slide closer to her, still not touching, not even looking at her. Dani closed the distance reaching out to pull his hand into her lap and hold it in hers.

As they had that first night, they sat simply holding hands. "I dreamed this" she quietly confessed. "I dreamed we sat in the sunset on a pier and you held my hand until the stars came out." She wasn't looking at him, but instead straight ahead like she was recalling an event from the past.

Charlie said nothing. He stared down at their hands in her lap and closed his eyes with a tight smile on his face. This could be enough for him, he could be content to just sit here and hold her hands for hours, he thought.

"Charlie, tell me who you were before you went to prison" Dani asked of him. This caused him to open his eyes. "I know everything I need to know about you but I know nothing about you. Who you were, where you came from, what you wanted before this…. I don't know any of it."

He looked at her for several long moments before breaking contact and reaching for the glass. "I think I need this more than you do at this point" he grimaced as he drank the remainder of the glass in a long draw. He gasped at the heat burning his throat and his eyes, the rushing sound in his ears and the heat behind his eyes, but most of his shock was from the look in Dani Reese's eyes. This was never going to be easy with this woman. She wanted more from him that Charlie thought he had left to give.

'There's nothing to tell." He began. "The man I was before I went away is gone. That man died in Pelican Bay. I don't even remember who I was before, I'm not sure I ever knew." He spoke dispassionately, the clear unvarnished truth.

Dani was still and silent as he continued at his own pace "I guess I was average, ordinary, unremarkable, I worked, I played, I slept walked through my life, not sure where I was going, what it meant and never appreciating anything I had."

"And then it was gone?" she asked quietly and very sadly.

"And then it was gone, wiped away like it had never been at all. Like I never existed and maybe I didn't. The man that was Charlie Crews before Pelican Bay no longer exists, I came out someone different and I'm not sure if I could go back to who I was before that I would. I used to want to go back, so bad. I wanted my life back, but I have realized it was an illusion then and it's an illusion now. All we have is the now and who I am now - is all that matters. It's all that I'm capable of being, maybe it's not enough..." he trailed off sadly.

"Yes it is. You are plenty Crews, more than enough, sometimes too much" he heard more than saw the smile creep into her voice. "But you realize that for us to solve this, for us to figure this out, you're going to go back there, to remember… you're going to have to remember why you didn't recognize your father's voice on that recording….why you don't remember him being a cop….Can you do that Charlie? Can you go back there? Dani stated the painful truth- that they both had to face their pasts – that this time the past couldn't simply stay in the past.

"Us?" he asked softly.

"Us" Dani replied.

"I can go anywhere as long as you are there" Charlie said telling her he loved her again in another way.

"I'm not running this time, Charlie. I'm fighting. But I'm fighting myself, my instinct to run because I don't want to be apart from you. I don't understand it, I don't always like it, but all I know is that I wanted you more than I wanted that scotch and that's never happened to me."

"I don't know what that means" his eyes were clear and blue-green like the sea.

"It means that I love you Charlie, I have for the longest time and and it scares the shit out of me" she smiled through tears at him.

"Now you know how I feel all the time" he joked pulling her close and kissing her head. "Now you know how I feel, all the time, honey" he repeated as he held her tightly in his arms. They were still relaxing from the tenseness of the morning's turmoil and the afternoon slipped quietly into evening. Long orange rays of light sliced into the room from the setting sun, by the time Dani spoke again.

"Charlie?" she questioned after a moment "Can I have some more of that scotch?"

Crews pulled back, to examine her closely, concern and watchfulness in his countenance. He didn't know how to respond and she could tell. "I just want a taste Charlie" she asked him.

He looked from her to the glass, to the decanter, his eyes showing mild panic when she relented toying with him. "This should be enough right here" she said as drew her finger around the bottom of the glass, then traced his lips before she kissed him and drew his bottom lip into her mouth. "Ummm, that's just perfect" she purred at him.

Charlie's released the breath he'd been holding and his hands tightened around her as he pulled her very close. "Have I told you how much I love it when you are wicked?" he whispered before drawing her earlobe into his warm mouth. He pushed her back on the couch, "but you have been a very mean to me today and I don't know if I can forgive you" he teased.

"Oh, I think you'll get over it" she said drawing her hands down the side of his ribcage and sliding her hands under his belt to contact the skin along his back.

He pushed her back onto the couch and kissed her breathless. They began peeling each other's clothes off, faster and faster and as Charlie stood to unbuckle his jeans he asked her "sure you don't wanna take this upstairs?"

She countered "uh-uh" and pulled her shirt off, reaching for her bra. It was beautiful burnished silky, orange and Charlie stunned and surprised felt his jaw drop.

"No, don't" he stopped her. "Let me" he slid the straps off her shoulders "Since when do you have orange lingerie?" he questioned as he kissed his way down her neck and along her collarbone.

"Since I started thinking about you while shopping for lingerie" she demurred. Charlie drew back and looked at her.

"What?" she said. "I told you I thought about you before.... the dreams? remember?" she blushed a bit at the admission.

"Are the panties orange too?" he said with hope tingeing his voice. She nodded smiling and Charlie grinned like an idiot. He kissed her again, his self control and Zen rapidly fleeing as his heart raced and blood boiled. She was everything he wanted – always.

"And when did you first start having these dreams about sunsets, Detective Reese?" he murmured against her skin, leaving a trail of hot wet kisses in his wake.

"And stars…don't forget the stars… in my dream there were stars" she reminded him almost giggling, but that was not possible, because Reese didn't giggle, did she? Charlie thought this merited in depth inquiry. The fact they had gone from the edge of disaster to this in the past few hours, once again reminded Charlie of how quickly life could change and how much he needed to stay present in the now. Tomorrow they would dredge up his past and the pain that was buried there, but for now he was lost in her, the feel of her, the smell of her, the touch and taste of her – and the only her he could even imagine ever wanting – Dani, his Dani.

"I'll show you stars, honey" he growled with a broad smile as he drew her onto the large leather couch with him. Charlie didn't remember who he was before prison, but at that moment he couldn't think of who he'd be without Dani Reese.

Dani chose him, over liquor, over escape, over control, she chose love and she chose to love him, the flawed, fracture, fiery man before her - who always seemed to be two things at once. He both calmed and frightened her. He could be so incredibly gentle and so unabashedly fierce. He had the heart and soul of a child and the strength and character of a man. Charlie anchored her, but he also freed her. She was still frightened of the intensity he he evoked in her. The enormity of the power he had over her was daunting, but she did not fear him, she feared the strength of her response to him, the depth of her attraction and attachment to and affection for Charlie Crews. He was all things to her, too many things, without him she felt lost; but together they would find the answers, the ones he wanted, the ones she needed and the ones hidden from them both.

_Author's Note__: That's it for now folks, I'm off to Africa next week for vacation. I won't be updating until September-ish. I'll be on safari in Eastern Tanzania taking pictures of the planet's vanishing great animals and practicing my Zen._

_So, big question, do we continue this tale in its current version? or end it here and start a new one? _

_You decide. I will consult the magic eight ball and that all important feedback meter when I return- to figure out where we're going next. _

_Thanks to everyone who's been on the ride with me – and for those who took the time to send me notes on spelling, punctuation, grammar and content. I particularly I wanted to thank – Star Jelly, Blatantly Anonymous and Myth Star Black Dragon and Jo Taylor for their almost religious reviews of each chapter as they went up and their insightful and candid comments on this my very first foray into the multi-chapter adventures of Charlie Crews and Dani Reese. _

_I owe you guy's big time – next time we are on the same continent the coffee or fruit of your choice is on me. ____ --Surfer_


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